NOW VOYAGER OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF THE KATE MULGREW APPRECIATION SOCIETY Vol. 5 No. 4 EDITORIAL KATE'S INSPIRATION By Erin Blalock Behind the lines: Two weeks ago I received an e-mail from a young lady, Andrea Hoch, attending the University of Amsterdam. She was surfing the net for information on Kate and found the Totally Kate site. She saw my artwork and the picture of Kate and myself; then she found the Now Voyager site and noticed my name there as well and thought I would be a "safe bet." In her e-mail, Andrea explained that she was writing a paper about Kate for a film class she was taking and needed my help. She was researching what it was about Kate that made her so popular with her expanding fan base, but the only responses she received were along the lines of "I love Kate Mulgrew because she's a babe" or "Look at her, she's a hotty"...responses she said she couldn't use and have the paper be taken as anything other than "hormone city." After a few conversations concerning exactly what and how much detail (which was a lot) she wanted, I sat down, thought about it and this is the result: Andrea, I guess the best place to start is with some background on me. I am 27-year-old graduate of the University of Tennessee. I earned a Bachelor of Fine Art in Graphic Design in the fall of 1994. During my stay at UT I was a manager at the GAP, a member of Kappa Delta Sorority and participated in many on-campus activities. These activities led to my love of working with children and teaching them how to ride horses: English saddle. I am currently the head of marketing for a major southeastern architecture firm based in Memphis, Tennessee. I coach the Special Olympics Equestrian team in the Memphis area, provide physical therapy for children with epilepsy and donate design services to area charities which donate the money to children needing assistance. The day after my birthday, January of 1994 (the year I graduated from UT), I lost my father to AIDS. This man was my life. He taught me to love Shakespeare and creative writing, let me skip school and go antique shopping, and led me to believe I could do anything if I believed in this artistic gift God had given me. Later that same year my grandfather died. Those two losses left me feeling numb, almost jaded. I had lost the ability to believe in my talent. I couldn't see how a God who could create something so wonderful in me could take away the very people that inspired me. So for about a year and a half, I didn't touch a paint brush or pen and all my creations were kept in a box underneath my bed. Since I was little, I'd watched Star Trek. Spock, Kirk, and Bones: loved them all. Some time past my graduation from college, my best friend got married to another trekker. I had lost interest in Star Trek when DS9 was on the air, but then someone told about Voyager. So this trekker, my best friend and I decided to watch the premiere. We ordered pizza and sat down to see if we could handle a woman in command of something we had literally grown up with. First scene, no captain. Bathroom break during commercial: as I was walking back down the hall I heard this low voice, almost purring about a dog blanket. Rounding the corner, I saw Kate Mulgrew for the first time. My first thought was how beautiful she was and when she stood up in that scene, my second thought was how feisty. As the two hour premiere continued, I sat there (as weird as it sounds) totally in awe of an actress I had never seen or heard of before. Kate was self assured. She spoke with authority and even the way she walked portrayed a woman entirely at ease with who she was and possessing the knowledge it took to be in command. She had the kick-ass and take-names attitude of Captain Kirk combined with the intellectual prowess of Captain Picard, and the fact that she was a woman was secondary. Towards the end of the premiere something my father said popped into my head. From his acting days at Carson Newman, he always believed that any actor playing a role put his or her own personality and spirit into that role: the actor gives that character depth by instilling his or her own mannerisms and beliefs. And as the last scene aired and she gave that speech, I found myself wanting to know more about Kate Mulgrew and her career: you know, who she was and what she was all about. But more importantly, why I was so intrigued and impressed with Kate. As the series continued, I watched. I started to surf the net for any background information on Kate. During my search, I found a club called Now Voyager, the official fan club for Kate Mulgrew. So I decided to join. When I received the first issue of the newsletter, I read it from cover to cover and noticed that the publishers were requesting drawings of Kate. So I thought about it for awhile. A day later, a friend of mine handed me a picture of Kate from a magazine. I don't know, something just kind of popped in my head and said "Draw her." So I dug that old art box out from underneath my bed, hoping that I could still draw and, to my surprise, finding that Kate as a subject matter made it seem as if I had never stopped. Kate was beautiful, talented, and never apologized for any decision she made, something I thought I lost until seeing her reminded me that I had a gift and it was time to use it again. What I saw in Kate, I felt I was beginning to rediscover in me. So I drew and again and again. Three pen and inks. I had the chance to see her about two years ago in Seattle and meet some of the other members of Now Voyager. Until that time, I was what is referred to as a "con-virgin" but I lost that status in spades. I met her, had my picture taken with her and she signed one of the original pen and inks I'd done. She was gracious and very real, not like typical tv personalities tend to be. And her actions that day only fueled an already existing admiration. Meeting her in person showed me that this "tv star" was human: a down to earth, educated, well-spoken, and energetic lady. Again, like I wanted to be. She makes you feel like you want to better yourself and gives you the encouragement to do it. Ultimately I had the three pen and inks framed and with the help of the club's president, I sent the artwork to Kate. For the first time in a long time, I was beginning to truly believe in my abilities again. A few months later and to my very great surprise, I received a thank you note from Kate, something I know she didn't have to do, and that made it even more amazing. Since that time, I became more involved in Now Voyager. Donating design and artwork whenever they needed it. I had the opportunity to design the first membership directory for the club. Later on that year, which was last year, I designed a Kate Mulgrew calendar to be sold to raise money for one of the charities she supports: the Incarnation Children's Center in New York. And when I found out that the center provides homes and child placement for homeless children with AIDS, I dove in even further. I felt as if I'd come full circle and Kate had given me a way to help others in a way I couldn't help my father: honestly, I felt it was the least I could do in view of what Kate had done for me even if she wasn't aware of it. I know it's stupid, but I felt this connection with Kate on a level other than being "a fan" and, I'll admit it, it was a great feeling. Then I was made a board member of Now Voyager and allowed to design the December 1999 issue of the newsletter, this year's calendar, the membership directory and to continue to produce more drawings of Kate. So I produced five more pen and inks. A few months ago, I received a thank you letter from Sister Bridget, the lady that started and runs ICC in New York, asking me to give them a call because they were throwing a benefit gala and wanted my input. So I called, on thing lead to another, and I ended up donating some of my drawings for Kate to sign and ICC to sell for charity. The fact that I was given a chance by Kate, however indirectly, to help a special group of children meant a great deal to me. My mind and heart needed a way to give and, in all honesty, make losing my dad a little easier: again, an opportunity I would have never had if it wasn't for Kate. When I was told she wanted to sign the artwork I had sent, I was totally floored. After I picked myself up, it hit me. If Kate thought my drawings were good enough to put her signature on, then maybe she and my father were right: I had talent. A simple thought, I know, but nonetheless a revelation that keeps me going even today. I mean, if my role model believed in my abilities, I had no choice but to believe in myself. So I sent hand drawn copies of all the pen and inks I'd done to ICC for Kate to sign and sell in a silent auction during the gala. A week later, I received a call from ICC wanting to know when I was arriving in New York to attend the gala: I was told that the ladies of ICC, Nancy Addison and Kate wanted me to attend. Still not quite sure I believed it, I decided to go. The Gala was two weeks ago and I had a blast. Kate arrived later than everyone else. I was in another room when I was told she wanted to see me. I walked up. She interrupted a conversation she was having and made her way towards me. Hugs, thank yous and pictures later, I had met Kate again. But this time she knew who I was. She didn't treat me like a fan. She treated me like an equal: she didn't have to tell me I was beautiful or how talented I was, but she did. Just an extra little something that put me on top of the world. A gift she gave to me in her own very Kate-like way. The night went on. She introduced me to her husband, who was an absolute doll, and a few other people. Later on that night, she and Tim (her husband) joined me and a few others in a break in the back room where she asked my art. I told her that Claire Labine (the lady that wrote for Ryan's Hope: the soap opera where Kate got her start) and one other person bought the artwork for $1,600: this resulted in smiles, more conversation and the funniest low five I've ever seen. My date and I had returned to the dance floor, spinning around and partying too hard, when I looked up and just couldn't believe where I was or what I was doing. Let me tell you, to look to your right and see a woman that embodies the ideals and direction you want your life to go, partying on the dance floor next to you just makes everything real, you know? It was simply amazing and so funny. And when the night came to a close, she stopped to thank me again on her way out the door. Again, I felt a genuine affection from Kate: something she freely gave even when she didn't have to and that says a lot about the kind of woman she is. So, in detail and history, it is her genuine acceptance and concern, both her inner and outer beauty and the time she has given to me and others around her. Kate's belief and encouragement of my abilities has lifted my life to a level that I never thought I would achieve. My artwork is known internationally even if it is just within a certain group of people. I have made connections with others through Kate and enjoy a bond with a terrific group of people: the board members of Now Voyager and some individual members. In my eyes she has given me a lot and the connection I feel with Kate on a personal level only adds to my own determination to make the most I can out of my life. It takes a very special and very gifted person to inspire another individual before they even meet them. But only Kate could take her gift further and give everyone she encounters the ability to believe in themselves. I just happen to be one of the lucky ones: she has given me that gift time and again. I now look forward to what my life has in store for me. I want to do as much as I can for the friends I have in Now Voyager and, in my own way, give a little something back to Kate for what she has given me. I hope I haven't overloaded you, but you wanted detail. I know I sound like the ultimate Kate freak, but I am very passionate about the things that are important to me. As you can tell, she is important to me and you'll never catch me apologizing for it. I enjoy doing all the things I do for the club because we all get to share the, sorry, this is just cheese but, love we have for Kate as an individual and tell others about her. It's pretty cool. So hopefully this novel helps you with your paper and I look forward to reading it when you're finished. Take care, Erin 12.1.99 - I got another e-mail from Andrea yesterday and she got an A on her paper. She sends her thanks to me, the members of Now Voyager and to Kate. KATEWATCH REFLECTIONS ON THE GALAXY BALL By Margie Lord It was a wonderful weekend, full of fun and warmth and a surprising sweetness. I have decided to just touch on what I consider to be the highlights of the trip - little side trips in the mind which seem unimportant at the time, but when lumped with all the others form a unique feeling of having been a part of something warm and special and most of all fun. Now my husband and I approached the ball from a slightly different perspective than most people there. We have a son with autism. We had debated bringing him for the weekend, but decided against it. We weren't sure he would be comfortable there. The world we live in may be enlightened in many ways, but in its treatment of people with mental impairments our society is sorely lacking. Far too many people simply cannot handle the simple act of just leaving them alone...let alone being nice and treating them just like normal people. That is normal people who just happen to be nicer and sweeter than the average. Having attended a great many functions supposedly in support of "our kids" we were acutely aware that when outsiders interact with "our kids", the supposedly "normal" people can be astonishingly cruel. Most people are simply uncomfortable with special people and react by pulling away and avoiding them. Believe me, "our kids" notice. Ok, this is not a lecture on how to interact with special needs kids, but I wanted you to understand how surprised we were by the people at the Ball. It was so wonderful! It was surprising to find that nearly half the people there were Downs or were with special kids. If you have never interacted with these kids much, I would urge you to do so. They are such a delight to be around. There is no guile here...what they think and feel is all on their faces and in their behaviour. These are the warmest and most unconditionally loving people in the world, and their influence permeated the ball in every aspect. Watching celebrities interacting with these kids is an enlightening experience. Most are friendly, but you can feel the tension when one of our kids gets overly enthusiastic or loving. I am so happy to report that I didn't see a single case of this among the Voyager cast members present. They were to a person just as warm and loving back when approached by one of the kids. Ok, with that in mind, on with the Ball report. First up was Robert Beltran who introduced all the celebrities there, beginning with "our Captain" Kate Mulgrew, Tim Russ, Robert Duncan McNeill, Robert Picardo, Ethan "Johnny" Phillips, Walter Koenig, Bruce Boxleitner, and Jason Carter (Babylon 5). This was followed by something they called 'Voyager Cabaret', but resembled mostly "Talent Night on Voyager". I loved it. Wish they would do this episode on the show. Tim Russ did his music and I was surprised by his musical talent. He is very good. Then Johnny Phillips was up with a stand up routine. The jokes were awful, and you could almost hear him trying to clean up a bunch of them. I am guessing that he wasn't aware there would be so many kids in the audience. Nevertheless we were all cracking up. It was as though he was doing a Neelix stand up routine, and doing it very well. He was followed by Bob Picardo doing a song with new words to the tune of "I'll Be Home for Christmas". This was hysterical and brought down the house. Robert Beltran then called up his best friend from boyhood and had him sing, first alone; then the two sang a duet. During all of this I had been sitting in the back watching Kate Mulgrew and the kids. Before the Ball we were given a note about Kate. It said that she was not signing autographs and not posing for pictures, please don't ask and please be polite and use common sense, don't gather in crowds around celebrities etc. But this one young man with Downs was totally awed by Kate and he immediately took up position by her side. He had pretty much appointed himself to be her personal groupie for the night. The young man's mother was sitting at the table immediately in front of us and after a bit she realized where her son was and how long he had been there and went to get him. At this point Kate told her to leave him alone, he was doing fine. A short time later the young man came to get his mom to come take a picture of him and Kate. I loved this exchange, the mom was cautious, not wanting to deliberately break the rule set up, but the young man was insistent, said she is going to pose for a picture, just me and her, then he put his finger on his lips and did the universal sign for a quiet*.shhhh. He started walking back to his position by Kate and did the universal children's signal for secret...ran his fingers over his lips horizontally (as in keep your mouth zipped!) I loved it. After this Kate's people went around the room and one table at a time called every special child over to the Captain's table and Kate talked to them individually, signed autographs and happily posed for pictures with each and every kid. This was all done quietly and very very sweetly. My whole impression and attitude about her changed; watching her with the kids was absolutely the highlight of the ball for me. She was wonderful and charming and beautiful, and the kids adored her. And now it was time for Kate's talent portion. I suppose her talent was auctioning off a couple of items for the Downs Syndrome Society. We were told that Kate had never done an auction before, but she definitely should do more of it. She got exorbitant prices for the items she was in charge of auctioning. Her voice was very low and gravely. I've seen her in person before. Her voice is always low and rough but it seemed this was much lower and rougher, as though she had a cold or something. The first item she auctioned was a script for the Voyager episode "Juggernaut". After a remark or two about "Juggernaut" she began the bidding. I have forgotten what the bids started at, but down the road when people quit bidding she looked around and said ok, if someone will bid (however much she was wanting at that point) she would personally write a "rather naughty" note on the back to whoever won the bidding. Price increased, then she proceeded to add a "naughty note" from Tim Russ, Robert Beltran and Johnny Phillips (saying something like he wouldn't know how to write any other kind of note besides naughty), and a dance with her until I think she finally got about $1,400 for that script. Next item was a monopoly game using "The Next Generation" for a basis. This game was signed by the entire cast of Next Generation. Kate said something like, "Next Generation", eh? Hum...the Voyager script went for $1400, so this should be worth oh, what about $22.95? Hysterical. The crowd laughed, but the guy in charge of auctioning almost choked! Immediately after the bidding started half-heartedly the guy in charge of the auction came up and whispered in Kate's ear and she came back and said the game usually sold for around $800 and we should all pay more attention. Still she was unenthusiastic and the game sold for a decent if not remarkable price. Last for her to auction was a tour of the Voyager set. By the time she was through selling that one, every cast member in the room was going be involved in the tour. I am not sure who bid the $4000 it took to win, but if everyone follows through on their promises at the auction then that person is going to be eating Tim Russ's lunch with Robert Beltran while getting a backrub from Bob Picardo in Kate Mulgrew's trailer! Every cast member present promised something wonderful to go with the tour. Kate is very charming and beguiling when making absurd promises, but she got the money she was aiming for. Then Robert Beltran arrived on stage and they exchanged a big hug and she left the stage, promising to dance with all the young men she had talked to before the auction started. Louie Beltran's Band came on and they got the house rocking. They are a wonderful band and the dancing was fun and it was a nice kick your shoes off and have a ball type of night. During this dancing, Tim Russ, Ethan Phillips, Bob Picardo and Robert Duncan McNeill were mingling with the crowd. They stayed a while then one by one left. They were warm and funny and charming to everyone they met and happily posed for pictures etc. as long as no lines formed and no one was surrounded by fans making them uncomfortable. The only problem came with Kate when some fans seemed to forget this was a social setting, not a convention where they were being paid to sign autographs, and a long line of fans waiting to get autographs and pictures began to form. At that point Kate decided she would just leave and she did so. It was a shame though; I was having fun watching her dance and would have liked to watch her longer. Still it was a great night of dancing and meeting old and new friends face to face and having a great time. The mood for the night was "dancing fools", and that is what everyone was. A lot of the Downs kids approached some of the young women there for dances and were accepted. It was a warm and caring night and everyone in the room seemed to know it was something special. A quick summary...it was great! A comfortable, cozy and wonderful atmosphere where we relaxed and had fun. I highly recommend it to anyone who can possibly make it next year. I know I will be there and this time I will be bringing my son. GALAXY BALL By Catherine Tyrney Hotel Marriot Oct 30th 1999 Host: Robert Beltran Special Guests: Kate Mulgrew, Robert Duncan McNeil, Robert Picardo, Tim Russ, Ethan Phillips, Jennifer Lien, Jason Carter, Walter Koenig, and Bruce Boxleitner Day: Talk with Robert Beltran, Jason Carter, and Robert Duncan McNeil. Evening: Entertainment Music from Tim Russ and the Neil Orman orchestra. Live auction by Kate Mulgrew and Robert Picardo. Dancing music by Louie Beltran and band. The day events were pretty much like a mini-convention from my perspective. Luis and I arrived a little after 2:30pm and went through the typical sign-in procedures. (Luis and Rosi are friends whom I stay with while in LA and we do the Trek events together) We found seats in the back but still within 30 feet of the front. This room was very small. All I could think is that if there is a person who really likes the actors speaking, this was the place to be. Robert Beltran came into the room a few minutes later and took the stage to a round of applause. He was dressed very simply in a shirt and pants and kept a relaxed informal atmosphere. Several times he brought someone up onto the stage and gave them the microphone to speak. I recall only a few things about the talk. One was his saying his favorite planet (Trek speaking) was the one on which you forget the girl. Lots of chuckling here. He also mentioned not being sure of the motives of "new up and coming actors". Later, I asked him what is his motivation for acting to which he replied that it was the moment when everything comes together and has an almost spirituality to it. (I've heard other actors refer to this same sensation in a catch phrase of being 'in the moment.') He was also asked if he had had that experience with Chakotay. Someone shouted out "Manuevers" which garnered a pause from him and a cryptic, "No". I believe he then said it was "Tattoo". He did some very funny moments imitating the other characters from the show. I particularly liked his impression of the Doctor. My general impression was good. He payed particular attention to the Down's representatives even showing incredibly patience as they stuttered or struggled through their question. He was friendly and open to audience members as they asked questions even bringing them on stage at times. There was one point in which he asked how many people he had met and then how many he had not. He then said he'd try to meet them all that night. Jason Carter came up next and started a very light talk with much joking and banter. I had stepped out for water and when I returned to my seat, I looked over to see Robert had taken a seat near us. He didn't stay long. I don't recall anything of what Jason said. I had to leave the room and missed most of what Robbie McNeill said but I did get to catch a charming story. He was talking about them waiting on the bridge and doing impressions of each other and at one point they were doing Harry Kim. Robbie gave us an example that was very accurate and funny. He then told us how Kate bet him 50 dollars that he couldn't do his entire seen as Harry Kim without breaking up. He went through the scene without a flaw but there was absolute silence behind him. He says he then turned around to find the rest of them rolling on the floor. "And she still hasn't paid me my 50 bucks," he complained. After that was the autograph line. I had a simple photo of Robert and I from last year's Galaxy Ball for him to sign. He signed it and claimed to remember taking it with me last year. We talked for a little while about him coming to Portand in January and the event that evening. He asked for my name and said he looked forward to seeing me that night. (Yes, that smile is a killer, but I'm married.) I then went to Robbie but I'm not into autographs so much. I asked him for a picture with him or to shake his hand. He opted for the photo. Now this guy is a real cutie. I swear these folks must go through hours of makeup to make them less handsome or something. I was able to do the arm in arm picture style with him. He was open and even rubbed my shoulder during the picture. It was time to go after this because we were already late and had to get ready for the evening. Okay, don't you hate it when you really wanted to look incredible on a particular evening and then find you have only 40 minutes to get ready? Well, that's what I had. I literally took my hair down, did some curls and a ton of spray. Surprisingly enough, we arrived with more than enough time before the doors opened. Finally the time came to go in and my friend Luis picked out a great table. Nothing happened for the next hour or so. We begged a waiter for rolls before I fainted. Tim Russ was getting set-up at this time. I did get a chance to speak with Tim while the orchestra was setting up. I've met him several times before and it was nice to talk over things such as the new CD he is working on. (His last CD was pretty good.) We didn't spend a long time talking but he gave me a hug and said he hoped to see me soon. I decided to step to the ladies room and when I returned, I found Robert Beltran in the entranceway to the banquet hall. I couldn't resist. I held up my ticket and teasingly asked him if he'd been demoted from commanding a starship to checking tickets. He seemed startled by my comment and I reminded him we had been talking that afternoon and I realized I looked very different. (In the afternoon it was hair up, glasses, blue jeans, and t-shirt. In the evening it was hair down, no glasses, short blue dress and satin wrap.) He was nice enough to say, "Yes. You look very different but beautiful. Very beautiful. Where's your husband?" and smiled. I explained that the gentleman he saw was my friend and that my husband was home in Portland. I think it was coming up on 9:00 pm then but I forgot about eating for a moment because right then Kate walked in and to her table. Her table turned out to be just one over from us and I could watch her all night if I was so inclined, though right then food was a major priority. It was then that Robert finally took the stage and asked if they'd start serving the food because he was starving. He suggested Tim could play for dinner music. (I almost choked on my salad, Tim plays anywhere from rock to Latin jazz, but not dinner music) Well, Tim went ahead and he did very well. There was one song in particular that I liked, "Louisiana". He does that one very well and it was on his previous CD. I think it was after Tim that Robert and a friend came up to do a couple of songs. I give them credit for trying. Next was Bob Picardo who did a hilarious rendition of "I'll Be Sold for Christmas" to the turn of "I'll Be Home for Christmas" left us all in stitches. Next was Ethan Phillips with a stand-up routine. I've heard that he was funny, but his humor seemed to fail me. However, most of the room was laughing hard, so I take it as a personal thing and credit him with a good sense of humor. I don't remember any of the jokes. During the performances, I could see Kate and noticed she was taking pictures with the Down's representatives and signing autographs for them. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but she seemed welcoming and patient with each of them. I noticed she was surrounded at one point and saw her gesture towards my area and try to lead them all towards the wall near me. There was just enough of an area for all of them to pose for a picture. She walked right behind me and turned around. I just had to turn around with my camera. I tried to catch her eye to make sure this was okay with her and she looked at me and nodded then smiled while I took the picture. I got another right as one person made a joke and they laughed. It was finally Kate's turn to get on stage and do her auction. I've heard that she hasn't done any auctioning before, but you could have fooled me. She really knew how to raise the bid. The first thing was a Voyager script. She promised to "write something naughty on the back" then got the other cast members to agree to write something on it. She even promised a dance and finally got $300 for it. Next was a Next Generation Monopoly game signed by all the cast from Next Generation. She opened the bid at "$2.50" to much laughter. It was obvious she didn't have the spirit in this one that she did in the previous item. Finally was the big ticket item of a tour of the Voyager set for a person and their guest. She said she'd personally guide the tour to include trailers and makeup. She encouraged Robert Beltran and Tim Russ to take the winning bidder out to lunch. Bob Picardo said they could kiss his forehead. Robbie McNeill said they could pilot the ship while he took a nap. Basically it was great fun, much laughter, and Kate got a final bid of $4,000 for a good cause. Next Bob Picardo auctioned off a special robe. Louie Beltran and his band soon started playing and people got up to dance. I noticed Kate got up to dance, but I could only catch glimpses of her a few times. I'd say however, whoever made that final bid for the dance got their money's worth. She knows how to move. I recall seeing her dancing with the young Down's representative who assisted her during the auction. He seemed really happy. Things kicked into a dance atmosphere, but I was inclined to watch my friends take the floor. I did notice Kate was no longer surrounded because most people were dancing. I went over to speak with her about the picture I'd taken. She was nice and rose when I approached her table. I shook her hand and started to remind her that we had met only briefly several times before but she interrupted me and insisted she remembered me and then began to ask me how I was doing. I asked her about giving her picture to Now Voyager which she said was a fantastic idea. I think we said a few polite things to eachother and I said goodnight and I would see her in two weeks at ICC. (This is when I realized she had a hand on my arm) She brightened visibly and said that I should meet Nancy Addison who was right there. Kate then introduced me to Nancy. Nancy and I spent a good time talking about several things including the ICC event and my close call for almost cancelling my trip there. I started to pass a very busy looking Kate who was signing autographs. But Kate stopped, stood up and hugged me saying she'd see me in less than two weeks. I finally returned to my table feeling a bit awestruck by it all. (Hey, ever have those times where hindsight tells you that you were overly polite and should have stuck around. Well, it was only after Kate was leaving for the evening and Nancy passed by saying she really looked forward to seeing me in two weeks that I realized I should have stayed at that table. Ah well, I'll kick myself later) The audience thinned out greatly after Kate and the other actors left. Robert Beltran stayed the whole evening though. I've never been known to be a shrinking violet, so I went up to him with the intention of asking him to dance. After waiting several minutes for him to get his picture taken with people and sign autographs, he finally got a chance to say two words to me. I explained I had intended to ask him to dance but he looked pretty busy and I gestured to the increasingly gathering crowd. He said he had to do a few things right then but he would look me up later. I said, "Ah, of course." Well, I don't know what it was that got to him but he took my hand in his and said, "I'll look for you later." Then he leaned to me and kissed me on the cheek and said, "I promise." (WOW!! How does Kate work with this guy on a daily basis? I'm good, but I'm not THAT good.) I didn't get to do much dancing that night. In fact, I only said yes to one of the Down's representatives who seemed to enjoy himself and I had to chuckle when his male friends congradulated him and gave him high fives. I did try to catch up with Robert who seemed to have needed a rest just then. So I danced a few times with Luis or Rosi and then propped my feet up. Robert gave me the "give me a minute" sign and began to sit and talk with a friend who organizes conventions for a few minutes. Well, I sort of lost my temper and decided he could forget it at that point. I propped my feet back up on the chair crossing my legs and tightened my wrap about me. It's then that he decides to get up and hold his hand out to me. I simply folded my arms. He gives me that grin and says, "Please". Ah what the hell. I smile and get up from my very comfortable position and drop the wrap. He grabs my hand and literally jaunts to the center of the dance floor. We have a very good time. About midway through, my two very wonderful and protective friends literally physically move us into a rumba line but he spins me in front of him and places his hands on my hips. I don't know what happened behind me, but his grip got lighter and lighter and when he finally took us back out of the line for the rest of the dance, his smile was no longer there. Rosi or Luis got to him. (I don't know if I mentioned how protective my friends are, but Luis insists he doesn't want to deal with my husband if I get out of line) The dance was finished and Robert hugged me again while he thanked me for the dance and he was gone from the ballroom. I didn't see him again in that room until the evening festivities were over and he was on stage thanking everyone and saying goodnight. And what a night. ICC GALA--THE SPIRIT OF FRIENDSHIP by Margie Matteson The ICC Gala is a black-tie event held each year at the Copacabana in New York City to raise funds for the Incarnation Children's Center, a pediatric AIDS facility in Washington Heights, New York. This year's event honored Nancy Addison Altman, who is on the board of directors, for her accomplishments on behalf of ICC. Nancy Addison is an actress on both stage and television, possibly best known for her 14-year role on "Ryan's Hope." Kate Mulgrew, Nancy's best friend since they were on "Ryan's Hope" together, was on hand as master of ceremonies. The theme of this year's ICC Gala struck me as being particularly significant: The Spirit of Friendship. Most obviously, the theme seemed to highlight the close and intimate friendship shared by Kate and Nancy. More personally, however, the friendship theme was significant to me for other reasons. Kate and I had a conversation once about friendship. In front of a crowd of fans at a convention in Bellevue, Washington, I had thanked Kate for the friendships I had discovered because of her work. I was at that convention with a woman I'd met at another convention at which Kate appeared. Kate seemed intrigued by our friendship, and by the fact that we lived on opposite coasts. Well, when the Kate Alert for this year's ICC Gala showed up in my e-mail box, I asked Cat, that same friend, if she would consider flying east to have dinner with me in New York on November 11. Minutes later, we decided, along with another friend of mine, Irenee, to get together for the ICC Gala. It wouldn't be easy, but somehow we would make it happen, we decided. When I called for ticket information, I found out about the theme. My first reaction was, "Oh my gosh, that's so PERFECT!" It was at that moment that I knew, somehow, we'd manage to get there. I also knew then that the book about friendship that I had found just the day before would make the perfect gift for Kate. Weeks later, after many hours of planning, shopping, and chatting together on the Internet, the three of us were in New York. The day of the Gala was clear and chilly. As the hour of the Gala drew near, I grew quiet and thoughtful. The three of us got dressed, cursed hair that wouldn't cooperate, and fussed over details of makeup. The Gala was a formal event, and I hadn't dressed up to that extent since my wedding 15 years ago. After taking bunches of pictures of each other in our finery, we went to the Copacabana. The invitation stated that the event was to begin at 6:30; we arrived at about 6:40. We got drinks and wandered around the cocktail area, looking at the items offered for the silent auction. The prices were already out of our league on most items, of course. Since the three of us didn't know anyone else there, and the other two members I knew from Now Voyager weren't there yet, we were eager to go to our table and settle in. Finally, the tables were set up and we could sit down. We were at table #34, on the upper deck from the dance floor. As we made our way to the table, we passed Nancy Addison herself, who recognized Cat from the Galaxy Ball. Nancy greeted us warmly, and we continued on our way. A moment later we encountered another couple--Kate and Tim Hagan. Cat said hello to Kate, who remembered her from the Galaxy Ball. Kate introduced Tim, and then Cat introduced the other two of us. I somehow managed to say to Kate that I had previously met her in Bellevue. We told her what table we were sitting at and invited her to stop by later if she had a moment. In addition to dinner and dancing, with music provided by the Starlight Orchestra, one of the evening's highlights was the live auction, led by Rosie O'Donnell. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time as I did watching Rosie cajole, threaten, and insult the guests into making ever larger bids on the available merchandise. When it was time to go, we went to Kate to give her the gift. People were surrounding her, so we waited patiently. Tim saw us and offered to help. I told him we had a gift for Kate, and the others said they'd like a picture of us with her. He called Kate and then took our picture. I spoke to Kate for an intense, heartfelt moment and presented her with the gift--the book--which the three of us had signed. She gave us all hugs or kisses and then left with Tim. *~*~*~*~ I don't know why, but I've been trying for years to figure out what it is about Kate Mulgrew that fascinates me so much. It's not the acting--though it is partly that passion she brings to that craft which she so obviously loves. I admire that passion, as well as her intensity, her vulnerability, and her obvious interest in other people. I think I'm drawn to Kate because I find in her the same qualities I seek out in people I meet anywhere--qualities such as compassion, loyalty, and trust. Somehow, in our day to day rush to get things done better, faster, cheaper, whatever, I think we have lost sight of the importance of these attributes. Kate gives Kathryn Janeway these qualities but, most of all, she shows them in herself. IT ONLY TAKES A MOMENT by Irenee "A lovely night, A lovely night, A finer night you know you'll never see..." Lyrics from Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella seems to be a perfect way to describe the night of the Incarnation Children's Center (ICC) 3rd Annual Benefit Gala. A night where you get dressed up. A night where you have no idea what will happen. A night when dreams come true. I decided to go the gala for several reasons. I wanted to hear more about something Kate believes in. I wanted to meet a couple of people I've been talking to for several months. And let's face it, I wanted to see Kate in person. It was the latter that I was totally unprepared for. It was Margie's idea that we go to the gala. After some initial hesitancy, it really did not take a lot of persuading for me to say yes. Plus, once I purchased my plane ticket, there was no turning back. I'd been reading and listening to other people's reports of seeing and talking to Kate for over a year. I joined her fan club. I featured her on my web site. Nevertheless, I never really believed that I would get to see Kate in person...and I felt that way right up until the moment I set eyes on her. A lovely night, indeed. The gala was held at the Copacabana on Thursday, November 11, 1999 in New York City. The theme was a celebration of the spirit of friendship, particularly apropos, considering Kate's friendship with Nancy Addison and how this event brought me and two new friends together. COCKTAILS Margie, Cat, and I'd had enough "mingling" (if standing off to the side sipping water could be called mingling) during the cocktail portion of the evening and rumor had it that Kate had entered the building. Therefore, we set out to find our table and the unspoken hope was that we'd at least catch a glimpse of Kate. Along the way, we were blocked by an impromptu photo session. It was Nancy Addison Altman, who remembered Cat from Galaxy Ball. There was a brief introduction and we were on our way again. A few more steps toward our table and we were face to face with Kate and Tim Hagan. We didn't seek them out. Personally, I was only hoping a glimpse of her. Nevertheless, there they were. I don't think she expected to run into us either, especially that early in the game, but she was as gracious as I heard she could be. And more beautiful that I could have ever imagined, which really caught me off-guard. I honestly didn't realize how star-struck and mentally paralyzed I would be. I watched as she introduced her husband, Tim Hagan as 'the love of her life.' I was touched by the affectionate caress of her hand on his shoulder and the look on her face as she introduced him. Cat was the first person to speak in our group. Margie was able to speak up as well. I kind of hung back, listening and watching as Cat and Margie interacted and even joked with Kate and somehow I instinctively backed up behind them to get a better view I guess and, more likely, to kind of hide, but it wasn't a conscious action. I vaguely recall Cat grabbing my arm, pulling me forward, and introducing me to Kate and Tim. I shook Tim Hagan's hand, as he questioned my name to be 'Renee'. I corrected him. But my attention quickly was captured again by Kate who'd only heard the 'Irene' part of my name. She reached her hand out and I took it. She had a nice, firm grip, which I matched. I don't know where I found my voice, but I corrected her. She asked where I was from and I heard 'Indianapolis' come out of my mouth to which Kate remarked that it was a beautiful city. Who was I to argue? It wasn't until then that she released my hand. I recalled that her fingers were cold and mine weren't much warmer. What happened next is very foggy. I know she thanked us for coming. And I looked at her again and our eyes met and held for a moment. I kinda of 'read' her for that moment and I knew she was sincere and understood my reaction. I remember wishing there was more light so I could have seen the actual color of her eyes. Cat made sure that Kate knew at which table the Now Voyager contingent was seated. We parted ways and Cat, Margie, and I continued the rest of the way to our table. Actually, I don't remember my feet touching the ground at all. The thought I carried with me was how absolutely gorgeous Kate is in person, how fast my heart was beating, and how surreal that moment was. We sat at our seats a little dazed, watching as our two fellow Now Voyager members, Dianne and Erin, went to greet Kate as well. Shortly after that, she and Tim finally made their way to the cocktail area. Our next encounter wasn't too long after that one. After the salads were placed on the tables, everyone was called to the dining area, and of the two doors leading that way, Kate chose the one next to ours on her way to her table. She paused to ask us if we were comfortable and seemed to take a moment look each of us in the eye for some acknowledgement. WELCOMING REMARKS AND AWARD PRESENTATION Once everyone was seated at their tables, it was time for the Welcome and opening comments by Dr. Steve Nicholas, Kate's heartfelt introduction of Nancy, and Nancy's acceptance speech. Here's a little bit of what was said: Dr. Steve Nicolas: Now you all know Kate. She's an incredible and distinguished actress of film, theatre, and television. You'll remember, Mary Ryan...(applause)...amongst a dozen of her roles, but at the moment, the world knows her as the stern and commanding Captain Kathryn Janeway of the starship, USS Voyager. (more applause) Kate has visited ICC several times; she came up once with her son, and today she sat with a big group of kids, held them, was serenaded with rap music and dance, answered questions like, 'how did those guys on your show get those big ears?' (laughter) and she brought great joy and comfort to these children who are so complex, so needy, and so often forgotten. Kate, you touched many hearts this morning and we're thankful to you. Ladies and gentlemen, it's my pleasure to introduce Kate Mulgrew! (applause as Kate makes her way to the stage.) Kate: Thank you, Steve, for those very kind and wholesome remarks. I'm delighted to be here tonight. Delighted to see so many faces that I know and love. Delighted to be supporting of a cause that is so worthy and wonderful, but mostly I am delighted to be out of that bloody space suit into something that might identify my gender. (applause and laughter) There is an extraordinary woman in this room tonight. A woman I have known intimately and loved deeply for 25 years. She is beautiful, funny, generous, passionate, headstrong, and very brave. She is my best friend. To the world, Nancy Addison Altman is a gifted and accomplished actress. Her long and wonderful career has spanned almost 3 decades and her credits are far too numerous to mention, but certainly she shone on Broadway, A Talent for Murder, with Claudette Colbert, she was brilliant in The Dain Curse with James Colburn, and she stole our hearts and broke our hearts with her portrayal of Jillian Ryan in the exceedingly popular daytime soap opera, Ryan's Hope. (applause and laughter) A character she played for 14 years with elegance and panache. I have known her to be a devoted daughter, an adoring sister to her brother Richard, a loving and wonderful aunt, a fascinating and unorthodox godmother to my son Ian, and a wife who after 17 years is still madly in love with her husband. (applause) The rarest of all, and something we all long for and few of us have possessed, I believe, is her friendship which has both ennobled me, exhalted me, and certainly made me a better person. And so I say to you clearly tonight, Nancy, you have changed my life and you are my touchstone. Four years ago, as Dr. Nicholas said, Nancy fell in love with ICC and when Nan falls, she falls big. I won't repeat what she had done. Steve covered most of that, but her fundraising efforts have been [indefatigable], inventive, and sometimes quite shameless. (laughter) However, that was just the face of it, what she did in the material world. What was happening on the inside, was the most extraordinary transition of all. Because in all of the years that I've known her, and in all of our struggles and all of our triumphs, I had yet to see revealed this most beautiful of gifts, her unending and extraordinarily deep compassion. She really loved those kids. And I saw it with my own eyes. She loved them. She honored them. She suffered with them. She wept with them. She nurtured them. She exhalted and grieved over them and because she touched them, their lives have been forever changed and so, my dearest friend, on behalf of the Incarnation Children's Center, its Board of Directors, and its entire staff, it is my pleasure and my great honor to present to you, Nancy Addison Altman, the Lifetime Achievement Award for your outstanding capacity to love. Ladies and gentlemen, Nancy Addison Altman. (applause and music as Nancy makes her way to the stage. Kate & Nancy hug in passing) Nancy: How do you follow Kate Mulgrew? That's all I want to know. Of course, like Katie said, since 1975 we have been very best friends. She's like my sister and of course, I paid her to say all those nice things about me tonight. I want to thank you, Kate, from the bottom of my heart, for being here tonight, for being our Master of Ceremonies. You're so special to me and so special to ICC and we couldn't do this without you. To fly all the way from Los Angeles to be our Master of Ceremonies. I love you so much. Deeply. (applause) DINNER Dinner was served next. There was a choice of chicken or salmon. I think most everyone at our table, including myself, had chicken, although I'm sure other choices were made, including vegetarian. The only recognizable thing on my plate was the chicken, which I ate, along with what was eventually identified as oddly shaped potatoes. The music for the night was truly awesome. The band (The Starlight Orchestra) captured various musical styles... from big band to disco, James Brown to Tony Bennett. They were a big part of what made the evening enjoyable. Another part was to see Kate, as someone near me put it, 'more relaxed than I've seen her'. Kate is truly a woman in love...with love, with life and especially her husband, Tim Hagan. Rosie O'Donnell was the auctioneer for the live auction. She was hilarious, irreverent, and very effective in her quest to up the bidding. Here are some of the highlights. The first item up for bid was a trip to Los Angeles, stay at the Beverly Wilshire, tour the set of Star Trek: Voyager set and have lunch with the Captain. Rosie couldn't resist asking Kate if she was still on 'that' show. Rosie opened the bidding opened at $1,000 and 2 packages were sold at $10,000 each.Auctioning On Par with Gary Wiren, Rosie made it clear she knew nothing and cared less, but did a mini comedy routine about golf before opening the bidding that was hilarious. I've watched Rosie as a stand-up comic for many years. She is much more enjoyable in person. Subsequently, bidding started at $1.50 but it eventually sold for $8,000. Another package allowed the winner to introduce Rosie at the start of her show and watch the show live. Rosie opened the bidding at $500 but immediately jumped to $2,000. When the bidding got to $15,000, Rosie told the two people bidding 'If you go to 15, and you go to 15...I'll go to 15,' thus increasing the total bid for the item to $45,000. A Paola Ferron necklace was my favorite item up for bid. Actually, it wasn't the necklace itself, but because Kate was the wearer of that necklace. As Rosie was offering the item up for bidding at $3,000, Kate walked down off the stage, held her hair up to display the necklace, and sauntered along the edge of the front tables, giving everyone a very enticing look at the necklace. She even looked up at our table and encouraged Now Voyager to join in the bidding. I think there was some urging by Rosie for Tim to bid on the necklace; after all, his wife was wearing it. Tim responded with a comment that Rosie repeated as, 'You don't love her that much?' Kate stopped dead in her tracks and gave him the ol' "Captain's stare" and said in deep, ominous tone, 'We'll discuss this...later.' Needless to say, Tim bid $7,000 for the necklace. However, he was soon off the hook when there was a bid for $8,000, which is the price the necklace eventually sold for. The list price for a 12000 Custom Harley Davidson motorcycle was $12,000 and Rosie started the bidding at $10,000. After some final dickering between Rosie and Geraldo Rivera, Geraldo raised the bidding to $31,000 and Rosie and Kate each summarily matched it. I would have to say that fortuity once again played a part in our next encounter with Kate. Margie, Cat, and I were attempting to get a photo taken together and Dianne was the chosen cameraperson. After a momentary snafu in figuring out my camera, we were all in place again when Kate comes through that same door again. The ever-vigilant Cat once again seized the opportunity by calling out to Kate, asking her to join us. It happened so fast that Kate was only a passing blur as she practically bounced past me to nudge her way between Cat and me. Another cool thing was seeing Claire Labine out of the corner of my eye, waiting to talk to Kate. All I was aware of in the next few moments was where my hand ended up... on Kate's shoulder. Now, I've not mentioned Kate's dress until now. It was black, long, and flowing, sleeveless and utterly backless. So, where my hand fell, there was no material from her dress, only her shoulder... and that all I remember. I don't remember the flash going off, the sounds in the room, or even whether her arm ended up around my waist or shoulder. Kate graciously allowed two photos to be taken. Then she was off to greet her friend, Claire Labine, who was standing only a few feet way. My dress was grey, long sleeved, floor-length with a slit on the left side. It also was covered with sparkles and I seemed to leave a trail of sparkles wherever I went. So I was particularly tickled when Cat noticed that my dress had left sparkles on Kate's back. She pointed it out to me by saying, "Look, you left your mark on Kate." An interesting comment, considering the mark Kate would soon leave on me. There was a film shown about ICC and I wish I had better details about it. The sound was a little garbled and people were still talking, so I tried to focus on the images crossing the screen. What I remember most is the image of a baby boy, very thin and emaciated. What moved me was the following pictures of the boy as he began to blossom under the love, nurturing and care of the people at ICC. That transformation impressed and moved me, prompting me to write to Dr. Nicholas and ask for more information about ICC. Dessert was also served around this time-brownie sundaes. It was nice, finally, to recognize what I was eating without having to look it up in the program. I ate the brownies and left the ice cream. DANCING Since I don't dance, this portion of the evening was spent talking and getting to know the people around me, enjoying and singing along to the music watching Kate dance and have fun. If anyone needed confirmation that Kate is a woman who enjoys life and likes to have fun, this was it. And why wouldn't she, when she had her own little cheering section at our table. I don't remember seeing people leaving, but seeing Kate put on her gorgeous handmade cloak/coat, we concluded that it was now or never to approach her to say good-bye. So we trooped on down there, Cat in the lead of course and me struggling 'cause my brand new shoes liked to slide on that dance floor. But we made it. We stood there a moment as Kate hugged and said farewell to her friends. Finally, Tim Hagan came from behind us and offered to help us in our endeavor to talk to Kate. I know his motivation was probably more to get out of there than helping us, but it was that gesture that made the next few events happen. I remember thinking 'I like this guy!' Margie told him what she wanted and I somehow found my voice and spoke up too. I have no idea where Cat was. But the result was Tim using my camera to take a photo of the three of us with Kate and Nancy. Margie talked briefly with Kate and presented her with a book that the three of us had signed, and Cat chatted briefly with Nancy. Then Kate hugged Margie, and moved to hug Cat; I suddenly realized I was next. I just looked at her as she came toward me. She gave me a kiss. I think she thanked us once more for coming and I was still looking at her as we made eye contact a second time and I saw that sincerity once again. We returned to our table and when I turn around, Kate and Tim were gone. I don't think the reality of that moment hit me until my head hit the pillow that night. With that gesture, Kate gave me something. Something I have yet to be able to put into words. Something that only took a moment out of her life. Something that made a lasting impression on me. Therefore, I close this with a simple 'Thank you, Kate,' - for introducing me to ICC, for being so generous and kind, for helping us find friends that we hold so dear, showing that happiness is possible, and for simply, and complexly, being you. If our paths ever cross again (maybe at next year's ICC gala), and the opportunity avails itself, I hope that I can share more with you than just my name and hometown. SOJOURN SATURDAY NIGHT By Annmarie Daneker On October 16 I attended the annual charity benefit hosted by Sojourn Services for Battered Women and Their Children. This year's event, entitled Sojourn Saturday Night, was held at the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills. Each year, Sojourn selects various people to receive awards. This year, Judy Muller (ABC News Correspondent) and Kathryn L. Beck (prominent local attorney) received the Sheila James Kuehl Award, Klaus Mennekes & Shutters on the Beach Hotel received the Humanitarian of the Year Award, and Julianna Marguiles (Nurse Carol Hathaway on NBC's ER) received the Inspiration of the Year Award. Two years ago, Kate Mulgrew was honored with the Inspiration award. Kate attended this year's event and I was lucky enough to get a chance to speak briefly with her. As always, she was gracious and warm, extending her hand when I approached her to pass on a message of hello from Michelle Green, president of the Kate Mulgrew Appreciation Society. We chatted for a few moments on balancing busy work lives and the services that Sojourn provides to women who need help. She was wearing a black jacquard-print pantsuit and a leopard print shawl. Her hair is several inches longer than I'm used to seeing onscreen so I didn't recognize her at first. In fact, it wasn't until I heard her speaking to someone that I realized that she had arrived. The mistress of ceremonies introduced Kate, mentioning her role as Captain Kathryn Janeway on Star Trek: Voyager and her recent marriage to Tim Hagan, and then Kate in turn introduced Sheila James Kuehl, California Assembly Member - 41st District, and namesake for the Sojourn award. Ms. Kuehl has been instrumental in passing legislation that provides clemency for women who have gone to extremes to defend themselves against domestic violence, namely killing their husbands. Ms. Marguiles spoke briefly, admitting that she didn't feel worthy of the Inspiration Award. She stated that she has been lucky in her life so far, with her Emmy-award winning role on ER and the fact that she has never experienced any form of domestic violence. But she did understand that there are women and children who suffer and who benefit from the services that Sojourn provides and that she appreciates all the work that they do. This was my third year attending Sojourn's annual event. I always enjoy getting dressed up like prom night and rubbing elbows with a few of the prominent locals. Sojourn puts on a wonderful event, with a silent auction (I bid on and won two tickets to see the taping of The Drew Carey Show), wonderful food, and gift baskets at each place setting. Teddy bears seem to pop up everywhere and I now have seven of the critters sitting around my apartment. The mood is always festive-every year that I have attended I have made friends with my tablemates-and the cause is a good one. And, of course, I always enjoy talking to and shaking hands with an actress whom I admire. REVIEWZZZZZZZZ Members are invited to submit reviews for this section, both current episodes seen in Canada and the U.S., and reviews of older episodes seen in other countries for the Overseas section. The Overseas reviews will be at the end of the reviews section. A synopsis of the episode is included before each set of current reviews. The Nielsen rating covers only the Wednesday night UPN showing and does not include airings by other stations at other times. Send reviews by email to vulcan@iquest.net or mail them to Donna Christenberry, 1315 South Fifth Street, Terre Haute, IN 47802. We can't guarantee that all will be published, due to space limitations, but will try to include as many as possible. We reserve the right to edit reviews for length, content, grammar, etc. Thanks to Margie for her help this time! EQUINOX II Nielsen rating: 3.8 Episode summary: In the sixth-season opener, the Voyager is attacked by the aliens, and as Janeway plots to recapture Ransom and his crew, the Equinox is equally determined to escape with the Doctor and Seven of Nine as hostages. The opinion that I have of this episode matches the love/hate relationship that I have with chocolate: There were many, many things I loved about the episode (I love the taste of chocolate) but there were so many things wrong that they kept me from truly enjoying it (I hate the pounds that chocolate puts on my hips). One of the reasons I liked last season's premiere, "Night," was because it showed a darker, deeper side of Kathryn Janeway. That episode showed she could get into a funk and be depressed just as much as anybody else; it's a normal and natural reaction to prolonged stress. Trouble is, it's a year later and she's still in that funk; it has become a major part of Janeway's personality. A once bright and cheerful woman has become permanently dismayed and distressed. And, judging by this week's conclusion of last season's cliffhanger, this will again be another year of Sorrowful Face and Deep Thoughts Janeway. There were so many things wrong with this episode that I don't even know where to begin. From a military point of view, John Savage was miscast in the role of Ransom. He didn't seem confident and he never carried himself as a leader should: strong and able, ready to tackle anything. His facial expressions gave the impression he would bolt and run at the first sign of trouble (and, indeed, Janeway discovered he did like to run and hide). Sometimes half the battle of being in authority is acting as if you know exactly what you're doing when, in reality, you're not sure. Ransom never showed any sort of true command authority. I can empathize with how Janeway felt about Ransom, his hideous experiments and his tried-and-true method of providing energy to get home. Not only does killing another species for such an inane reason go against the Prime Directive, it just goes against every moral and ethical fiber of the average human being. There are bad apples in any given culture, but they usually don't turn out to be Starfleet captains. I can also truly understand her frustration when she realized that Ransom was getting back to the Alpha Quadrant and she wasn't, that he was fulfilling his promise to his crew to get them home while she was still fumbling about in the Delta Quadrant. I think we've all been in a situation where people skated through something by cheating or being popular while we worked hard and with honesty. It hurts and it makes people angry and jealous. But I will never allow myself to believe that, no matter how angry or frustrated Kathryn Janeway could get, she would EVER do the things that she did in this episode. Almost killing a member of Ransom's crew to get information? Moronic. Offering to turn over Ransom and his ship to the aliens so they would stop attacking Voyager? Absurd. What is Brannon Braga thinking by continually showing a strong female character unable to make rational decisions or giving in to deep emotions? Is he deliberately trying to make the "first female captain in the history of Trek" into a laughingstock? Does he really want this groundbreaking character to be known by her ability to continuously lose her ship, play favorites with a former Borg, and relieve her first officer (not to mention her chief of security) when she's being totally irrational and called on the carpet? Chakotay was right in stopping her when she let the aliens loose in the cargo hold with the Equinox crewman, and kudos to someone on the writing staff for finally giving him something remotely resembling cojones when it comes to Kathryn Janeway. She was beyond angry with him for his actions, but he couldn't care less how she felt. Good for him. Yet, in that love/hate relationship, I loved seeing my two favorite characters on this show finally getting good scenes together - scenes beyond "yes ma'am" and conversations about Seven of Nine. I hated the plot and the dialogue, but I loved the interplay between Mulgrew and Beltran. They both got to chew some scenery in this episode and they both did it with the talent we always knew they had, but haven't been able to demonstrate over the past two years. The writing isn't their fault and I won't blame them for it. The final scene between Janeway and Chakotay was wonderful and awful for the same reasons - those 90 or so seconds contained more emotion between those two than we have seen in a long, long time. I could tell that Janeway was feeling regret about the way she had treated her friend and first officer. She knew that she had been wrong and that he had been right. Unfortunately, the scene wasn't long enough. This was a major professional tiff between the two of them (thank goodness she didn't resort to personal tantrums like she did in "Scorpion, Part I") and Chakotay gave in far too easily. Their conversation should have been much longer and in private. Although I liked the innuendo that can be derived from the whole salad-and-croutons conversation, there should have been a private argument where Chakotay made sure she fully realized what she had done - how she not only had needlessly endangered the lives of her own crew, but had been willing to kill members of another Starfleet crew. Some good work from the background characters, including a "you're crazy but I'll do it" look from B'Elanna to Janeway on the bridge after Chakotay had been relieved of duties. Seven's Borg attributes again saved the day, but I guess it's easier to write scripts that way. Jeri Ryan and Robert Picardo do have a nice onscreen chemistry, but I hope it stays on the friendship level and doesn't progress to a romance. Harry, Tuvok and Tom did little more than provide background conversations. If Neelix was in this episode I don't remember him. I'll watch this episode again, because I like chocolate, but I'll feel guilty when I'm finished. --Annmarie Daneker While viewing "Equinox I," I was confident that Janeway would never push aside her principles the way Ransom did. So "Equinox II" absolutely floored me. But it was an extremely compelling story about what it would take for Janeway to totally cross the line, and I watched breathlessly. Janeway is a fundamentally admirable and noble character. She is typically courageous. Strong. Intelligent. Optimistic. Determined. Compassionate. Principled. Controlled. Protective. She has high standards, she expects much, and gives much. "Equinox I" demonstrates this side of Janeway - she cared for Ransom and his crew, reaching out to them literally and figuratively. She used Voyager's resources and crew to repair the Equinox. And she showed obvious delight to be face to face with another Starfleet captain, not to mention one of her heroes. She trusted him. She expected him to be a Starfleet captain in every sense of the word. So she was stunned to find herself terribly burned. Consider the extent of Ransom's betrayal: he took advantage of her trust, he stole from her, and most unforgivably, he endangered her crew's lives "just to get home a little quicker." Naturally she was furious. Add to this ignominy that Ransom was a calculating mass murderer who violated everything Starfleet stands for, and her fury became uncontrollable, knowing no bounds. This blinding fury ultimately led her to violate her cherished Starfleet principles, including respect for life, for diplomacy, for reasoned action. I found it fascinating to watch Janeway's descent into the abyss. Her actions were particularly appalling because we are not used to seeing Janeway make these sorts of decisions (and no, I'm not going to get into why her actions on "Equinox II" are different from her actions in other episodes right here), but can see how she might. Take, for example, her "calculated risk" with Lessing. To watch Janeway threaten a man with death - which she chillingly called "poetic justice" - in her deadly calm, low voice was excruciating. I read that Janeway was supposed to punch Lessing with such force that he falls from his chair. Physical violence would have required a rather large suspension of disbelief. But Janeway's burning eyes?? Her ominous intensity as she delivered her threat? Very plausible. Very Janeway. And that is what made her so terrifying. Just as disturbing was her willingness to trade the lives of the Equinox crew - Starfleet no less - in order to end the attacks on her ship. Janeway dealing in an eye for an eye ethics? Janeway so ANGRY that she would turn Starfleet officers over to avenging aliens? We join Chakotay in asking, "What's happened to you, Kathryn?!" So what is there to like in Janeway after this astounding display? Everything that was within before Voyager ran into the Equinox. Janeway is still fundamentally the same person. She has, however, learned more about the dark elements of her nature. Under extreme duress, and due to her tendency to take things personally and be very stubborn, she can be induced to behave abominably. And she knows that. She said to Chakotay, "You know, you may have had good reason to launch a little mutiny of your own." When Chakotay admitted he considered it, she winced; stung by his words but knowing she deserved them. Janeway was experiencing her own personal hell (what did she tell Lessing, we all make our own hell), trying to fathom how she could have become a renegade Starfleet officer who flouted Starfleet principles to serve her own purposes - precisely what she loathed in Ransom. Her decisions will and should haunt her for a long time. Her anguished expressions at the end of the episode hammer this point home. She was too ashamed to look Chakotay in the face; she couldn't even hold her head up. She couldn't apologize yet, because she is still trying to figure out what the hell happened. It's not something that she should be expected to make sense of in a few hours. She saw aspects to her soul that her previous righteousness with Ransom makes clear she never imagined existed. But in time, she will come to terms with what happened and begin to seriously repair her relationship with Chakotay and Tuvok and the rest of the crew. At the end of "Equinox II," she was too busy being captain, disciplining the remaining Equinox crew and worrying about repairs and crew morale. But she, like Ransom, ultimately won't be able to avoid facing her actions and their consequences. One more comment - Janeway's expression when Ransom surrendered spoke volumes. That was a fantastic shot. There was no sign that it was a pleasant victory for her, not a trace of gloating or pleasure. Instead, there was shock and relief and disbelief - that she won, and that Ransom wasn't the one-dimensional villain she had made him out to be in order to justify her actions. Her fury dissipated, her desire for vengeance was gone, and her better self emerged. She once again trusted Ransom, finally understanding him a little, understanding how a Starfleet captain could fail to live up to "everything the uniform represents." I liked the development of Ransom in "Equinox II." Rather than being completely hardened, he was conflicted and tormented as he tried to justify one terrible decision by more terrible decisions. He hesitated a moment before urging Equinox to abandon Voyager to the attacking aliens. He hesitated before torturing Seven to make her reveal the codes. He cringed at Burke's euphemism of "fuel." He tried to hide from his hell in the synaptic stimulator's tranquil and beautiful scenery. But he couldn't fully hide because he hadn't fully destroyed his humanity. His guilty conscience, disguised as his victims, intruded on his peaceful hideaway and urged him to renounce his murderous ways. When Ransom realized there was no escape, he could never hide from what he had become; he was able to initiate change. He surrendered to Janeway, willing to spend 30 odd years in her brig, willing to pay the consequences for his actions. But things didn't work out as he'd planned, and he died a hero's death to save Voyager and her crew. At last Ransom was at peace with himself, his synaptic refuge was once again a place of solace. He serenely looked out on the ocean, hands clasped prayer-like, as the warp core exploded. Chakotay was excellent in this episode. He spoke and behaved with conviction, torn between his loyalty to Janeway, his embrace of Starfleet principles, and his belief that what Janeway was doing was wrong. It was great to see Chakotay defy Janeway to save Lessing, and shout at Janeway when her pursuit of the Equinox threatened Voyager. Why didn't he mutiny? He admitted that he considered it. I'd have loved a scene where Tuvok visited Chakotay in his quarters and discussed the option. Unfortunately, all we get from Chakotay is a cryptic "It would have crossed the line." Did Chakotay forgive Janeway? He certainly made some conciliatory remarks toward her. I think Chakotay felt compassion for Janeway because he knew she was tormented, and that she had plenty of ammunition to torment herself with. However, forgiveness is not the same as admiration or respect, and I'm sure Janeway will have to work hard to regain both of these. Miscellaneous observations and nits: I loved the Doctor-Seven dynamic, especially the closing scene when they were essentially flirting with each other. The scene when the Doctor was operating on Seven and stimulating her vocal processor in order to induce her to sing a duet with him was incredibly creepy. While I had a number of problems with the Doctor losing his ethical subroutines and his subsequent behavior, I didn't dwell on them enough to interfere with my enjoyment of the story. I HATED the way Lessing was characterized in the interrogation scene; he was so defiant and in Janeway's face. I think strong and stoically silent would have suited him much better. I liked the special effects - the aliens, when the ships dropped out of warp, the battle-worn bridge at the end of the episode, the explosions. And one last nit - why didn't the aliens want the last remaining Equinox crew members? I'd like to think that Janeway was able to convince the aliens to leave them on Voyager, thus demonstrating her change from the wrathful woman who bargained away their lives. In spite of the fact that this episode was dark and gritty rather than uplifting and hopeful, I loved it and give it 10 points out of 10. -- A. Goodhart Yesterday I happened to watch the episode "The 37s," "Voyager's" premier for second season. It was an odd time to dig up such an old episode - only days after viewing the episode that launched sixth season. But I'm glad that I took the time. I wasn't completely able to appreciate the changes that the crew, Janeway in particular, has undergone over the course of the last few years until I sat down to watch a few of "the oldies." The contrast between this episode and "Equinox II" is incredible. Those really were the good old days, the golden age of "Voyager." Janeway was happy - or at least, happier. She was sympathetic to a confused group of people. She was able to empathize, to willingly try to understand a differing viewpoint, to be upset that she had a tough decision to make, and then to talk to Chakotay about that decision. She was able to give people the benefit of the doubt. Best of all, she was excited about what she was doing, and glad she had the opportunity to do it. Watching her was a joy. Can anything sound farther from a description of the woman who led the ship into its sixth season? It hurt to watch "Equinox II" after seeing some of those old first and second season episodes. Yet, I found myself glad to see a new episode, even if Janeway is no longer the happy, well-balanced, excited captain that she used to be. It was a confusing reaction. I suffered from a cold, hollow feeling deep in the pit of my stomach while I watched Janeway play out her latest idiotic obsession - a vendetta to clear the Delta Quadrant of all errant Starfleet officers, most notably anybody attached to the U.S.S. Equinox. It was worse to watch Chakotay struggle to contain her rampant loss of control and maintain a semblance of safety for the crew at the same time. How he stopped himself from either committing murder or mutiny is beyond me. But still I enjoyed every minute of it. It took some time to unravel why. First off, this was one tight episode. The "hiding" metaphor they created for Ransom's downfall was wonderful! Even more amazing is how well it was sustained throughout the episode, and how well several characters were incorporated into it. What an inspired idea it was to let Seven "hide" in Ransom's own escapist entertainment. Ransom was so busy hiding from himself that he got caught, and by Seven of Nine, not Janeway - how marvelous! I found it ironic that the bad guy (Ransom) turned good, and the good guy (Max, Ransom's first officer) turned bad. It was more ironic that the mutiny occurred on Ransom's ship, where it was wholly unexpected, rather than on "Voyager," where it was wholly anticipated. What was not fun was watching Janeway slide down into her own personal hell. She has to be one unhappy woman to let herself go so far, to treat her people and those on the "Equinox" so contemptuously, and be unable to stop her descent. The one saving grace in this episode was Chakotay; the man finally has a backbone again, after four years without one! I was half certain that he was actually going to shoot her to force her under control again. It's as if he has suddenly returned from a long absence, and now that he's back, Janeway can at least admit that she was wrong and apologize, in a way - unlike her behavior in "Scorpion II" where she was out of control, but completely unaware of it. If there's nothing worse than a deranged Janeway, there's nothing better than a repentant Janeway. When she cautiously reaches out to Chakotay during those last moments on the bridge, Janeway comes closer to regaining her humanity and becoming a captain I can respect than she has since they encountered the Borg. I was left with an unaccustomed feeling of hope at the end of "Equinox II," a feeling I haven't associated with "Voyager," or Janeway, for years. It was a confusing, refreshing, and invigorating reaction. So I say "Bring on season six! I can't wait!" Quote of the episode: "What's happened to you, Kathryn?" - Chakotay -- Linda Bindner SURVIVAL INSTINCT Nielsen rating: 3.9 Episode summary: A visit to a space station brings Seven of Nine into contact with her former Borg colleagues, Two, Three and Four of Nine, who need Seven's help to break the mind-link that connects them. Every time Voyager puts on a good Seven of Nine episode, I have to grit my teeth and unclench my stomach before I can admit, grudgingly, that despite how completely and totally sick I am of Seven and the Borg and recitations about individuality and quotes about assimilation and all the rest, it's the one thing this show does well. And then I have to add, quickly, that this show does it well at the expense of absolutely everything else - all other characterization and relationships, and all the things that originally drew me to the series and to Trek. But in fairness, "Survival Instinct" was a fine hour of television. Not a great one, mind you - the plot was overly reminiscent of "Retrospect," "InfiniteRegress," "Dark Frontier," and all the other episodes about Seven's repressed Borg memories, and it was never entirely clear why the aliens chose to sneak behind Seven's back, then to trust her, then to blame her for their condition so obsessively that their circuits overloaded and ultimately ledt o their impending demises. It's never clear exactly what the others hope to accomplish by forcing a link, especially since they didn't know at the time that Seven was responsible for their plight. It's also not clear how they knew she was on Voyager if their link to the Borg was severed. Those aren't major problems, however, in this visually stylish episode - both the planetary exteriors and the ex-drones themselves made powerful impressions, the stuff of which nightmares are made. Seven's emotions were wrenchingly believable. Her scenes with Naomi were touching as well; there's something both sad and hopeful about the fact that the person who understands her best is a little girl. And it was interesting that Chakotay - who killed most of her unimatrix in "Scorpion Part II" - was the person to convince Seven not to send the Borg back to the collective to live out their lives. Normally I would have expected Janeway to be the person in that position, but Janeway was oddly absent this episode. Oh, she was around, getting her hair pulled by a plant as she teased Chakotay and Tuvok, confining Tom and Harry to quarters (that's three in two episodes, Mom) for getting arrested on the station, babbling about the ties of family. But her bright smile seemed completely out of place. When we learned that one of the ex-drones had been an Excalibur crewmember, I expected Janeway to do everything in her power to repatriate the Starfleet officer, just as she did everything in her power to bring Seven back to a human community when she discovered her. Instead Janeway seemed to see Marika as one of three - exactly the thing she was trying to break out of. I wonder whether we will ever see Marika again before her inevitable death, and how the captain will react to her. "Survival Instinct" had a gutsy ending, quite the opposite of the usual pat wrap-ups (or the utterly chaotic failure to achieve closure in episodes which seem to be getting shorter by the week). The character growth for Seven seemed sincere, not just a recital of statements about individualism fed to her by humans, and the scene with the doctor was breathtaking - the recognition of their parallels, his realization that the Hippocratic Oath applies to living as well as to life. I wish they weren't the only two characters we ever saw such consistent development from, but I have to admit the writers do well by them. What does it mean that Voyager's two most interesting characters are the ones who are largely machine, while the human characters act like badly-programmed automatons most of the time? This show retreads the issue of Seven's individuality so often that it should feel redundant, but it doesn't. It's of crucial importance that she be reminded how precious her freedom is. Why don't the rest of the characters get the same freedoms, the same explorations? -- Em Wycedee The Nielsen rating for this episode continues a trend seen in the past. Episodes that include the Borg collective have better ratings than stories with Seven alone. Of course, Voyager's writers can't use the collective every week. In this episode, the Borg once again encroach into Seven's new life aboard Voyager. This time, though, it's with a twist; humanoids who were once Borg cause the disruption, as Seven's former unimatrix colleagues seek her out as the only one who can solve their problem for them. Now there's a familiar theme. It's ironic that these three who wanted to be individuals never assumed individual names. And it's ironic that although they pursued individuality and freedom, they chose to use peer pressure on the one who feared that their plan could damage Seven of Nine. Presumably old habits of forcing people to comply die hard. Likewise, they were determined to obtain Seven's compliance, using subterfuge rather than asking her directly. There was irony, too, in the fact that Seven twice made life-altering decisions for these three beings. The child Naomi Wildman was once again brought into scenes with Seven to show her humanity. It seems the writers have written themselves into a corner with Seven. Seven, as she is written and in spite of all the back story on her, remains an unsympathetic character in everyday situations. She is arrogant, bossy, insubordinate. She does not do well on the dating scene because she is intimating to men with her bluntness. She is irritating to co-workers. She did not realize the doctor's attraction to her in "Someone to Watch Over Me." However, if Seven grows and changes too much, becoming too humanlike, she loses her uniqueness. Thus the use of Naomi at the beginning and end of the show to try to soften the blunt edges. -- Donna Christenberry BARGE OF THE DEAD Nielsen rating: 3.8 Episode summary: Torres confronts her Klingon ancestry when she asks a skeptical Janeway to allow that she be put into a coma-like experience that will allow her to aid her condemned mother who is held aboard a mythic Klingon death barge. Since I don't watch "Voyager" on a UPN station, I rarely get to see any previews for upcoming episodes. The only hype I have to wade through is what I read in interviews. I read many interviews that gave glowing reports of the incredible set built specifically for this episode about Klingons in the Delta Quadrant. The reports were so complimentary, in fact, that it made me wonder; if all they were talking about was this incredible set, then the story that went along with it must be pretty bad. I wasn't hyped about this episode, I was worried. After seeing it, my wondering changed. When the story is so wonderful, why bother hyping a set that's so dark the viewers can't see it, anyway? I have to say, I don't understand what makes those people at UPN and Paramount tick, but if they can supply me with stories like this one, I can't say that I care. This is B'Elanna's coming of age story. After five years of watching her switch back and forth from an angry half-Klingon to a stubborn chief engineer to a ridiculously compliant Starfleet officer to an unconvincing girlfriend to an empty shell unable to deal with grief and loss, we finally get to the crux of B'Elanna's character: she doesn't know who she is, or who she wants to be. She's so caught up in who she's supposed to be that she's completely lost. What a great idea for an episode! I thought this was going to be another version of "Coda" at first - B'Elanna dies, but can't accept her death so she rewrites her own death scenario to something she can "live" with. It becomes interesting when it turns into a quest to save her mother from dishonor. I don't have any more use for Klingon rituals and honor than I do for over-hyped sets, but B'Elanna is not your typical Klingon. Her anger is beautifully controlled while she attempts to convince Janeway to let her "die" again in order to return to the Barge and its journey to Grethor. And even if she is a born-again Klingon (a very funny phrase, and coming from a sarcastic Tom Paris, it adds just the right amount of perspective to keep everybody from being swept away by pseudo-religious rituals), she still doesn't understand that to be Klingon is just about the same as being a Human - you can't cheat, and you have to learn to live with who you are. That, of course, is the main point of this story - how B'Elanna hides within herself. In five years, she hasn't completely opened up to anybody, probably because she doesn't trust herself or anybody else enough to risk it. This journey on the Barge of the Dead forces her to finally ask the right questions of the right people - "What do you want?!" - and to start on an answer. Which, ironically, is another journey. Roxann Dawson simply shined in this episode. I loved her, I loved B'Elanna, and I loved this story. Quote of the episode: "I'm so tired of fighting." "We know." - B'Elanna and Janeway -- Linda Bindner Roxann Dawson is a great actress; she looked as if she were experiencing coherent emotions even if the show itself seemed fragmented. Interestingly, though Janeway's character gets so much grief for being inconsistently written, I find it easier to fathom her range of emotions than B'Elanna's. One minute B'Elanna is a productive member of the crew, then she's passionate, then she's depressed, and now we find out that she's been angry the whole time about her Klingon heritage. This might have rung more true in season one, but in season six, it seems, well, contrived. B'Elanna doesn't know who to be??? GET a GRIP!!! We all have multiple roles, and we try to be good at all of them. Her dilemma didn't resonate with me. Nice Janeway portrayal. But the whole scene with B'Elanna persuading Janeway to let her risk her life in order to prove to her mother that she had honor was weak. If Janeway was opposed to B'Elanna risking her life, then B'Elanna's arguments shouldn't have changed her mind because they were unconvincing. The whole "Barge of the Dead" set didn't appeal to me, and I definitely could have done without the mass slaughter of my favorite crew. I felt like I was watching one of my DH's video games during this part of the story, especially at the gates of hell. I just didn't like this episode much - it gets a 5. -- A. Goodhart B'Elanna Torres has a very bad trip, though the journey through hell was nothing compared to the bad hair day she was having. Look, one has to keep a bit of a sense of humor about these things, right? "Barge of the Dead" is the episode which reportedly caused writer Ron Moore to leave "Voyager," and although none of us will ever see the original so we can't really compare scripts, I do wonder what went wrong. Despite some screamingly bad redundancies from previous Trek episodes and from movies like "Flatliners" about wanting to experience life after death - which all seemed built into the premise - "Barge of the Dead" played pretty well. It featured an excellent performance by Roxann Dawson, a highly enjoyable performance by Tim Russ (I do love out-of-character Tuvok even if that happens too damn often), and a decent performance by Kate Mulgrew even if she was playing the most annoying incarnation of Janeway we've seen yet. It's odd - although Sisko was the Emissary on Deep Space Nine and therefore presumably a father figure of sorts to all the Bajoran people, no one on his crew seemed to expect him to behave like their father. Everyone on Voyager, however, seems to expect Janeway to be Mom, from wildchild Seven (who thankfully did little in this episode besides sing duets with the doctor - I am getting really tired of that) to "Favorite Son" Harry Kim who dreamed that Janeway was his mother. In the past two weeks she has sent or threatened to send four different senior officers to their rooms - I mean, confined them to quarters. In "Barge of the Dead," she very nearly turned into Tyrannical Dictator Janeway and insisted on imposing her values on Torres yet again, like she did in "Nothing Human" when she refused to allow Torres to choose death and let an unscrupulous Cardassian operate on her against her wishes. But she allowed her feelings to be swayed here, not because she respects individual rights, but because of the filial argument made by her chief engineer. I guess Janeway, who blamed herself for her own father's death in "Coda," relates to all this classic parent-child guilt transference which Chakotay should have identified with all his Jungian psychobabble. A common theme not only on this series but on all of Trek has to do with not living up to parental expectations. Spock suffered from it, Riker suffered from it, Data suffered from it, Kira suffered from it, Worf suffered from it, Bashir suffered from it, Chakotay and Paris and Neelix suffered from it - you get the idea. It was nice that for once it was the mother's expectations which were the issue, and the fact that even patriarchal Klingon culture imposes the same standards on men and women. I don't like Klingon culture and I reach a point where the word "honor" sets my teeth grating, but I like seeing Torres getting to suffer the same way Worf did - it makes sense. However, must ALL afterlives involve visions of people who look just like one's own shipmates? That device was overused on DS9 from the first time we saw the Prophets, and Neelix's experience in the Talaxian afterlife in "Mortal Coil" involved evil twins of the crew who acted just like the ones in Torres' vision in "Barge of the Dead." I realize the writers want to use the regular cast and avoid paying for expensive doubles, but boy does it look stupid for Torres to learn that Hell involves not the Klingon torment she always feared, but her mundane everyday life! She should have laughed and stayed there with her mother. I guess there is something to be said, however, for the idea of Hell as being trapped in eternal reruns of a bad TV show... Oh, but this is too critical, when there were many things I liked about this episode. We got to see more of Torres than we have in the past two years. Her relationship with Tom not only took a back seat to the plot but even took a backseat to her emotional connection with Janeway. And if Janeway hadn't been structurally identified as her mother, I would have a lot of fun with the image of the two of them burying their faces in each other's hair at the end. I also liked getting to see her talk seriously with Chakotay, even if he reiterated dumb New Age-y ideas from "Mortal Coil" and "The Fight." Hey, weak character consistency is better than no character consistency! And the visuals were charming. The Barge of the Dead doesn't look all that different from any Klingon Great Hall we've seen on Worf episodes, but it certainly doesn't let you forget how much that culture enjoys blood, to drink and to spill. Best line of the episode was unquestionably Torres' to Paris when she thought he was encouraging her to let loose her Klingon side: "I'll rip out your tongue and wear it as a belt." As a belt? How long is Tom's tongue anyway? Oh my - that explains a lot about why Torres has been dating Paris all this time. -- Em Wycedee TINKER, TENOR, DOCTOR, SPY Nielsen rating: 3.5 Episode summary: The doctor to the rescue! His experiment with daydreams takes on dangerous dimensions when an alien voyeur uses the self-important fantasies as a source of intelligence about Voyager's workings. What is there to say about this hilarious episode except for the fact that it was, well, hilarious? Okay, it was also interesting and poignant, and it had excellent character development. But it will always seem funny more than anything else. What can possibly equal the Doctor turning Tuvok's pon farr into an operatic life-or-death experience? And that was just the teaser! Daydreams really do reign supreme. I love Doctor stories because the writers seem to have a fairly easy time allowing him to learn and grow from his experiences, and what's the point of an experience if you don't learn something from it? Clearly by the end of the episode he understands the dangers, and the benefits, of overindulging in fantasy. If he hadn't daydreamed that he could transcend his original design abilities, he never could have saved the ship. Then again, if he hadn't daydreamed that he could save the ship, he wouldn't have had to save the ship. What perfect irony. Still, laughter aside, this episode does highlight several serious points. The doctor argues that he can do more than he was designed to do, that he can command as well as be the ship's doctor. He also proves that he's right, though the command staff opposes such a concept. It was a bit irksome that we needed to go through this argument at all, as it's clear that most people are capable of doing many things, and the crew is no exception: Neelix is an ambassador as well as a cook; Tom builds ships as well as flies them. Had someone opposed the same concept in a much younger Janeway, she might have remained a science officer and been denied her command abilities. Even I do things other than write reviews. Just because the doctor's a hologram doesn't mean he's an idiot. This philosophy of "hologram does not equal sentience" keeps popping up, and after seven years of Data in "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and five years of the doctor arguing the point, the question of what can attain sentience doesn't need any more arguing. It's funny that Janeway has no problem entrusting her life to a holographic doctor, but she balks at entrusting her ship to him. Hopefully this point is settled and won't need more attention in future episodes. The societal structure of the aliens is as intriguing as the doctor's battle for acceptance. They must be perfect all the time, or risk severe punishment. But what is the cost of constant perfection? Deceit due to intolerance of errors runs rampant on their ship, and, I suspect, throughout their society, since their society seems to be equally based on "the hierarchy." The pressure to be right all the time must be intense. After the Hierarchy, Starfleet doesn't seem nearly so rigid or unforgiving. Quotes of the episode: "Warning - warp core breach a lot sooner than you think." "Last chance to be a hero, Doctor." - the ship's computer, a la Majel Barrett -- Linda Bindner Voyager is now three for four in the number of episodes where the Emergency Medical Hologram has sung some form of song, whether opera or a snide version of a nursery rhyme. I'm guessing that Season Six is going will be remembered as The Year That Robert Picardo Got to Sing. Luckily, Picardo does have the comedic timing to carry off the doctor's escapades - he does the fish-out-of-water scenario well. This episode was definitely a fluff piece and could easily be considered one of those so-called "bottle" shows that are written, produced, and aired because they're cheap. Unknown guest actors, relatively easy prosthetics on the aliens, and no fancy sets and opticals such as in "Barge of the Dead" make for an easy budget. The goal of the writers, I'm sure, was to make what's left of the Voyager viewing audience laugh, and they succeeded. From start to finish, not only were there the one-liners and the catty comments between females vying for the doctor's attention, but we also were treated to Tom Paris reacting to Janeway placing the doctor's hand on her backside. His smirk at that moment was priceless. The computer voice of Majel Barrett Roddenberry informing the crew that a warp core breach is "sooner than you think!" had me giggling for several minutes. There was casualness among the crew, a sense of friendship and caring, something we haven't seen in awhile. Everyone had something to say and do. Janeway and Chakotay have apparently gotten over their tiff of the season opener, and the scenes between Kate Mulgrew and Robert Beltran were well done, as they usually are when those two have something worthy to talk about. This wasn't a deep episode; it didn't catch my attention because of any sort of character conflict or development. I enjoyed it for what it was - sheer entertainment, a chance for the Voyager writers to prove that they do have a sense of humor and that they can actually use it once in awhile. I do have one nit. Janeway giving up her command chair to appease the whims of an alien seemed a little out of character to me. And when the confrontation with the enemy started to turn sour, Janeway seemed rather passive; she didn't jump in to give the doctor any quick advice or make an attempt to get to the bridge from astrometrics, where she was hiding and secretly talking to the doctor. And, big evil grin here, Janeway stared just a little too long when they found the naked Seven of Nine doppelganger posing for The Fantasizing Doctor. -- Annmarie Daneker I spent the whole episode laughing my head off. I just loved it. LOVED it. It was hilarious, and yet poignant at times, and so well done, with a light touch. The teaser, with the heroic doctor turning Tuvok's pon farr into opera lyrics, "You have just gone without, for seven years, about," and thereby saving him with "Paris, please find a way, to load a hypospray," made me absolutely hysterical with laughter. The crew's adoring applause and the doctor's complete satisfaction were priceless. I don't think any of the doctor's later fantasies were quite as good, but they were still delightful to watch. The conference room fantasy turned out much better than I expected. B'Elanna and Seven compete with each other for the doctor's attention - B'Elanna by playing footsie with the doctor and Seven by sending the doctor messages via PADD. Then they begin arguing about whether the doctor should join B'Elanna on the away team or join Seven in astrometrics. Janeway ends the competition by pulling rank and dismissing the others (notably B'Elanna with a scathing, "You are dismissed!") in order to be alone with the doctor. The fantasy that is at the center of the story, however, is the Emergency Command Hologram fantasy, where he becomes captain when Janeway and crew are incapacitated. I loved his transformation, especially the four pips popping on his collar, one by one. And I enjoyed his stern banter with the Borg. Borg: "We are the Borg." Doctor: "I know perfectly well who you are." Borg: "(Your) Designation (is) unknown." Doctor: "Not for long." Of course, eventually his fantasies become known to the entire crew in a plot twist. The crew's reactions were interesting, and in character. Seven was completely nonplussed to see that the doctor had fantasies of painting her without her dermal regenerator on. B'Elanna was annoyed to learn that the doctor would like her to profess her love for him in a most un-Klingon manner, and stalks out of the holodeck muttering, "I've seen enough of this." Janeway was initially incredulous and amused, but she became profoundly touched by the doctor's stated ambition to "serve those he loves." Eventually the doctor got a chance to put his Emergency Command Hologram fantasy into reality, as a result of the alien subplot. Initially, the doctor was very nervous confronting the aliens as captain, and he blew the lines Janeway was feeding him. But just when it looked like Voyager would be boarded, raided, and possibly destroyed, the doctor snatched victory from the jaws of defeat and became the ECH that he imagined he could be. Janeway was beautifully characterized in this episode. In my favorite Janeway scene, she checked up on the doctor after his fantasies have been revealed, and demonstrated warmth and understanding. "We all daydream, Doctor; it helps us imagine other possibilities in life," she says, with a tender, radiant smile. But I also liked her reaction to the doctor's formal memo. Tuvok offered to answer it instead, but Janeway dealt with it herself rather than delegate it - impressive since she was basically going to deny his request. And I liked the way Janeway threw an appreciation party for the doctor, similar to those he'd imagined, and gave him a commendation pip. Jeri Ryan endowed Seven some great expressions as well, including her coy little smile and wink in the conference room, her reserved adoration when the doctor initiated the ECH program to save the ship from the Borg, and her look of pique when the doctor ignored her advances during his conversation with the alien. Paris had some great cameos - my favorite is the look he gave the doctor when he saw Janeway placing the doctor's hand where she allegedly hurt - it is a priceless look of disgust. My second favorite expression was the pathetic little wave and grin he gave B'Elanna in the mess hall as he watched B'Elanna falling all over the doctor. The episode had other good features, such as the crew camaraderie - everyone seemed to have a supportive and good-natured rapport with each other. The episode flowed nicely and lacked the choppy feel that many episodes have had lately. And the special effects were cool, especially the one where the crew watches the doctor's fantasies and the different settings morph around the crew. I have to take this opportunity to rave how much I love "Voyager." The episodes cover so much territory, from thoughtful morality tales to high-flying adventure to character expositions to just plain fun. Maybe continuity gets sacrificed to some degree to tell these great stories, and maybe some stories don't quite cut it, but overall I think "Voyager" embodies the best of what television can offer. I give this episode a 10. Getting off my soapbox to go watch "Tinker, Tenor" again... -- A. Goodhart Once in a while, The Powers That Be produce an episode that's worthwhile to watch again and again. They hit another home run with "Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy." This dramatic, comical gem is worth watching for the laughs and sentimental character development. The entire concept of the doctor daydreaming was a great idea, and it provided many funny moments for the audience: Tuvok's pon farr, the briefing room where Voyager's women come on to the doc, Doc envisioning himself the Emergency Command Hologram. The entire cast no doubt had a ball playing against type from the look of the scenes. It was good to see them having fun. The character development mostly revolved around the doctor. Wanting to advance his skills beyond medicine, he sought out command only to gently be nudged back by Janeway. Later when his daydreams were viewed by others, Janeway realized how much the doc has evolved since being activated in "Caretaker," the pilot episode. If any person says he wants to help the people he loves, no one can dispute such sentiment and the person's drive to improve himself. The aliens-of-the-week fit into the story without making it feel weak. They weren't a big threat, but they weren't pushovers either. It was great seeing Doc put in command to fool the alien leader, who really thought Doc was in command from looking into the EMH's daydreams. Some laughable moments here, along with a great bluff from the doc to save the day. This episode wouldn't have been possible without the wonderful acting range of Bob Picardo. He was certainly made for the doctor role, and it shows in this episode. The chemistry he has with his co-stars, especially Kate Mulgrew, Jeri Ryan, and Roxann Dawson, proves he can carry an episode if the writing and directing are superb, which was the case. Overall, I considered "TTDS" one of the best "Voyager" episodes of all time. Not a single dull moment throughout the hour, and it proves to me why I love the doctor as one of my three personal favorite "Voyager" characters. A 10 out of 10! A classic indeed. -- George "Geordi" Padovan ALICE Nielsen rating: 3.5 Episode summary: A used shuttle creates big trouble for Voyager when the shuttle's computer manipulates Tom Paris' mind to complete its own plans for repair. "Alice" wasn't a bad episode, yet it wasn't great, either, compared to the previous four episodes of the sixth season. The first four acts were good to watch as Tom repairs Alice and becomes obsessed with it. Scenes between Tom and the other characters were enjoyable to watch. One example was Chakotay coming down a bit on the pilot for being out of uniform, etc. It was nice to hear that the Captain Proton program is still around, although it did contradict "Bride of Chaotica!" in which Tom said he was going to delete it. The scenes between Tom and B'Elanna were okay, showing them continuing their relationship. Some out there probably don't like the idea of Tom being obsessed with another hot-rod shuttle. But that's part of his personality of being a pilot. This episode combined Tom's hobby of rebuilding 20th century automobiles ("Vis a Vis") and his love for starships, shuttles, etc. So this episode didn't diminish Tom at all; it just combined what he likes in a way that's believable. After all, he did design the Delta Flyer, so it's not beyond him to like fast, powerful, good-looking ships. I bet he loves Voyager just as well. The fifth and final act took down the episode quite a bit. It wrapped things up too quickly, with very little sense. How did Voyager catch up with Alice so fast after spending some time at the junk dealer's place? Unless Tom's ship is so slow, Voyager must have used the Trek Cheat Book. What? That space particle stream is Alice's home? What is she, then? Where did she come from? Left too many damn questions without answers. Plus the particle stream doesn't seem a good place to which a ship would return. From the spoilers I read I was thinking it would be more like the planet where the ship was built. I think The Powers That Be used the stream only for the suspense of rescuing Tom. Sheesh. Act 5 wasn't totally bad. The sickbay scene between B'Elanna and Tom was nice, and it was good to hear Naomi thinks of her Uncle Tom. Interactions like this between characters provide depth, where characters know they can move on with their lives and still be able to love each other. Best lines: Tom - "From now on, I promise no more affairs with alien ships." B'Elanna (smirking) - "What about the Delta Flyer?" Tom - "We're just friends." Now that was great. Overall I say it was a good, average episode. Not great, as I said before, like the previous four were, but it wasn't as bad as some will say it was. I think I'll give this episode a 7 out of 10. -- George "Geordi" Padovan "Alice" is a decent enough story with a decent enough plot, explores a bit of character growth (a very little bit, admittedly), adds a dramatic flair in the form of the evil alien hallucination, and sticks in a few pretty good one-liners for variety and a touch of humor. On the other hand, it's also yet another episode where a male crew member (Tom) undergoes some form of mind control and is blatantly manipulated by the evil woman alien-of-the-week, in this case a ship-spawned hallucination named Alice. Once again the manipulation comes in the form of obvious seduction. Oh, those women are so evil, and those men are so weak. Oddly enough, I'm not left with a feeling of satisfaction after watching an hour of my favorite television show. I'm left feeling vaguely cheated. How many other past "Voyager" episodes share similar themes, or even the same theme, as "Alice"? How many times has this seduction-manipulation happened? At this point every male crew member except Neelix and the doctor has fallen victim to the "evil woman" syndrome at least once. This isn't even the first time that Tom has been taken over because of his interest in fixing up a ship (recall "Vis a Vis"). It has to make me wonder what the writers and production crew of "Voyager" are thinking: that we won't notice if they recycle an old plot? That we won't care? That they don't think a female crew member would be stupid enough to fall for the old seduction trick (or, more pointedly, that the viewers won't), but since they like it so well, they can recycle the same plot on the male crew members? Yep, I have to say, it really makes me wonder. There are, however, two good moments in this episode: the wonderful acting jobs by Roxann Dawson and Robert Duncan McNeill in two ending scenes. B'Elanna is truly afraid to go into Tom's mind to distract him long enough for Voyager to dismantle Alice's shields, but she knows it's the only way to save Tom, and she does it anyway. Her love for Tom really showed in those scenes. The other is the final scene in the episode: Tom's fear and contrition are equally as heartfelt as he recovers from his adventures in sickbay. It was an excellent and very strong way to end what was mostly a ho-hum, it's-been-done episode. Quote of the episode: "I'm not sure how I feel about getting inside Tom's head." "Maybe you can explain a few things when you get back." - B'Elanna and the Doctor -- Linda Bindner Once I got over the extreme bad-ness of this episode, it was howlingly funny. Probably it was not done intentionally, but I laughed aloud more times during "Alice" than I did during the purposefully comedic "Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy." Indeed, the very appearance of Alice was good for a few snorts: Stephen King's "Christine" in the body of the ship from "Battle Beyond the Stars," except that in this case, instead of just looking like it had big hooters, the ship appeared to Tom as an actual female with big hooters! I couldn't even get properly offended at sexism inherent in the idea of a ship which goes looking for boy toys to fly her because, although she can blow their minds, she can't get herself off the ground without them. When it's done well, it's disturbing. When it's done like "Alice," what can you do but laugh? Although I giggled a lot at the suggestions that the captain has it bad for Captain Proton - first when Harry suggested that Arachnia needed the pilot more than Alice, and later when Alice warned that Janeway would never let Tom go - I got an even bigger kick out of the forced chemistry between Paris and his official girlfriend. They both looked so relieved when Alice interrupted their first kiss that I had to snicker. And when they later locked lips in sickbay with their teeth so tightly clenched shut that you could see their jawlines, it was so romantic that I had to, uhh, wonder why Torres isn't dating virtually any other character on the show. How many times is a woman supposed to forgive a man for getting possessed by an evil alien and treating her like crap before she starts to wonder if he likes it? Tom Paris is way past my personal limit. I understand that he finds these mechanical babes irresistible. But when your artificial dates start shorting circuits out at your touch, things are a little too hot to handle. Even without Avedon's warning, his crack about the daughter he couldn't marry off should have keyed Tom into reasons to be grateful Alice doesn't live here anymore. The most hysterical line of the episode - perhaps the most hysterical line of the series - was Chakotay's announcement that Voyager has a full complement of shuttles, thus proving the theory that Voyager keeps replacements like those little toy dinosaurs and bugs that come in capsules and inflate in water. It was nice that he got some substantive command work this week. But ever since Kate Mulgrew revealed the terms of her new contract - namely, that she gets more days off per episode - whenever Robert Beltran has a big scene, I immediately think, "Must have been one of Kate's free days." Yes, it's uncharitable of me, but I have found nothing to make me believe this series is constructed with anything but pragmatism. Like, Alice itself (the ship, not the woman) was clearly a recycled runabout with a grill on the front and a shorter back. Maybe Voyager got all those spare shuttles by rebuilding things with spare parts. In which case that garbage dump should have looked like a gold mine to them. Anyone else ever get the impression that they put their scripts together the same way? -- Em Wycedee OVERSEAS REVIEWS HOPE AND FEAR Well, I think I must be suffering from an overexposure to Seven of Nine because I wasn't feeling terribly bothered about this being the season finale. My husband recorded it for me and missed most of the opening sequence with Janeway and Seven, and I didn't even shout (which worried him a little). All I thought was why do they have to dress Janeway so dowdily. Now normally when I watch Trek I tend to take all the technical stuff without questioning it, but not this time. How did Arturis manage to plan all this? He must've been a pretty quick thinker because he only had a few minutes to alter the admiral's message. Then all of a sudden we have co-ordinates which are less than 10 light years away, and lo and behold the Dauntless is waiting for them with a Federation signature and looking suspiciously like a Starfleet vessel. Then when Chakotay, Tuvok and Tom are on board the Dauntless it suddenly takes off. The vessel is obviously remote-controlled but how does he manage to do it? When his plan is uncovered and Janeway meets Tuvok and Co. on the bridge of the Dauntless, Arturis is wrestling the security guard. Why does she nod at Tuvok to fire on him? She had her own phaser and we know from past episodes she's not afraid to use it. During this struggle Arturis pulls a lever and the bridge controls are changed back but not anywhere else. As we discover later on, when Seven is in engineering, it's still Starfleet control panels. Major nit-picks now. How did he know she had negotiated with the Borg and how had he managed to observe them for three months without being detected? How did they manage to transport Janeway so easily from Arturis' ship at the end when she wasn't wearing her com badge. Now I know this must seem as if I disliked the episode, but that's not the case. I did like the story line and the way they tied season three's finale with this one. There were some good moments, there was lots of Janeway screen time, which is always a good thing, but Janeway also had some good interactions with several characters: Nice scene with Chakotay in the mess Hall at the beginning when she asked him to join her for coffee. The only thing that marred this was Chakotay suggesting she ask Seven to help her with the algorithms. The way she stopped Tuvok from leaving the briefing room and confessed that she had doubts about the whole situation. I think that Tim and Kate always act well together. Liked it that Seven tried out her first joke on her. Good scenes with Arturis, especially when he drops the bombshell on her that he feels she is responsible for the destruction of his home planet. Basically a reasonable episode, not really befitting as a finale. Two saving graces, Seven didn't single-handedly save the ship and Janeway beat her in the rematch at the game Velocity. -- Jeanette Warran, England COURSE: OBLIVION I'm one of these people who watches Trek purely for the escapism. I rarely look too closely at the moral being told and whether an episode is politically correct, and only one film has left a deep impact on me until this episode. As I've said many times I don't read spoilers so I thought the opening scenes of Tom and B'Elanna's wedding were on the holodeck. I kept expecting B'Elanna to walk in and ask Tom what the hell was going on. Something wasn't quite right because Tom had the rank of lieutenant and in Janeway's log she talks about a child being born. I kept thinking alternate universes or hallucinations so when Tuvok and Chakotay dropped the bombshell I was taken completely unawares. Unfortunately it was at this point that the episode started go slightly downhill. Some good points about the first part of this episode were the scenes between B'Elanna and Tom (I normally don't like this relationship but it was handled well this week). The wedding scene was enjoyable; the vows they exchanged were simple but quite touching without being too sickly sweet. Also liked the sickbay scene where B'Elanna dies; Robert Duncan McNeill played this with feeling. One bad part was the way Janeway put the crew at risk by stubbornly insisting that they make it back to the Alpha Quadrant. But at least this Chakotay had the guts to stand up to her. It's just a shame that he died straight after doing it, but at least it shocked her into doing the right thing, even though it was at this point she seemed to give up. The scene on the bridge where she tells the bridge crew that Chakotay has died was good; Kate played it with the right amount of emotion. She hasn't gotten this close to tears since the scene with Kes in "The Gift." This episode had a lot of good emotional scenes in it but the thing that spoiled it and which has prevented me replaying it many times (despite the fact there were many good Janeway scenes) is the ending. Why couldn't they at least have let the capsule with all their personnel logs in it survive? It left a sense of desolation and set up negative thoughts such as, is there no point to our existence and will we leave nothing behind for people to remember us by? This episode had so much potential but they really messed it up. -- Jeannette Warran, England DARK FRONTIER Today is the lucky day of the captain. Today the girl with the golden hair is wearing red. Will the captain strike gold ? Will she be lucky ? We shall see. This episode is about "assimilate me or I will assimilate you." Janeway says, "You should have assimilated us when you had the chance." She is right ! This episode is about two women planning a heist. The Borg Queen gives away a transwarp coil in the process, and that wasn't a smart thing to do, because with the coil the captain could undo the heist. Janeway prefers the Borg in pieces. Chakotay even more, but he doesn't say it in the open. He has a lovely smile on his face when it rains Borgpieces. Janeway likes the Borg in pieces, but there is one masterpiece she adores, la "piece de risistance" (the most important dish of dinner) : Seven. This episode is about women in action, eager for a fight, and some men on "stand-by," reluctant for a fight. The men want to be on the safe side, they wait and worry. Are they overprotective, are they too cautious? They worry like housewives do, when their beloved husband is outdoors for a battle (at work) and when he is late. The look on Chakotay's face is that of a fiance, waiting for her man to come home, a sailor who is crossing the ocean. In the 24th century, apparently, roles are reversed and get mixed up. It seems to me that is one of the interesting elements of this episode. Where will it take us, this crossing over of stereotyped roles ? The men are definitely not making the calls this day. Chakotay gets the shivers from the Borg (although he doesn't say it in the open and Janeway does), and he won't budge an inch. From the start he didn't believe Janeway could reach Seven, gain her confidence, change the young woman into a human being again. Why is he always that reluctant? Whenever Seven is in trouble, he moves out of Janeway's eyesight. Could he be jealous in some sort of way? As soon as Seven is gone, Neelix, of all people, suggests taking apart her alcove. Now that is not very supportive, is it? And Tom Paris, the man you can count on when you need some action, despite himself says: "Won't you be down there ?" So the guys are absent, they undertake very little, and the girls are supportive. Even the little girl Naomi comes up with a rescue plan. They have to save the girl with the golden hair, don't they? And she is wearing red. Like the captain. If you are an artist-painter, you are aware that red and green are two complementary colours. Red intensifies green, green intensifies red. A painting like that is a painting that screams for attention. Put it in a room and you will have to look at it, but soon you'll discover that you get bored by it very quickly. Seven is wearing red and so from the start she chooses to be beside Kathryn Janeway in a green Borg-world. There were some moving scenes in this episode that I liked very much. For instance, the scene in which Janeway had a change of heart. The expressions on Seven's face were an example of great acting: she looked like a pubescent boy who was told to sit still and be quiet. She was nervous, agitated, like a young wild horse feeling the presence of fresh green grass, but tight in a box too small to hold her (I am referring to the catsuit of course!). Seven has a language very much her own. Janeway is in some way the personification of the vessel. She IS Voyager. But if you delete the vessel-talking and decode the semi-Borgish language of Seven, you can hear this : "Over the past two years I have become familiar with this vessel. Voyager is my collective now. Your survival is important to me. I'm willing to risk my well-being if it increases our chances of success. Assign me to the away team. Please." No wonder Janeway is deeply moved. Slowly she turns away to keep her emotions to herself. All the energy she put in Seven the last two years, was it a waste or was it worthwhile? But now the moment is there, the moment of recognition and gratitude. At least this battle is over. She did win the girl's heart. Kathryn Janeway is turning away, her face changes when she remembers the past (and what a delight it is to see Kate Mulgrew acting it!!), and when finally she can look at Seven, she is breathless, she can only nod. It takes a moment before she can say something in return. Then the door opens. Seven leaves. Janeway is letting her go. A last look and the door is closing between them, a foreshadowing of something we shall see in the Borg Sphere, when it is Seven who has a change of heart. In this scene, the roles are reversed. It is Seven who watches Janeway go and it is a shielding field and not a door that seperates them. It is quite heart-breaking when Seven shouts : "Go!" Janeway responds " I won't leave you behind!" These two scenes are in some way mirrors of each other. An example of good writing was the moment when Janeway suddenly starts to interrogate the queen, in the presence of Chakotay. "What is going on in that collective mind of yours?" She is not the same person without Seven and she wants to understand why she has left. Janeway seems detached when she says to Neelix, in a deep low voice: " Leave it alone," talking about the alcove. She avoids looking at him. She means: "Leave it alone (Seven belongs to me)." She seems detached but inside is boiling, full of questions. "Why did she go?" It reminded me of "The Raven" when she steps in the alcove, trying to find Seven by identification, an image that tells more then a number of pages of dialogue. Finally the last scene: by the glimpse in her eyes I could see that Seven likes to be bother...I mean ordered by the captain. About the writing in general I have three things to mention. First, why did the writers gave away the suspense so soon ? Why do we have to be present when Seven hears the voice of the queen, who will blackmail her? I would prefer staying in the dark, together with Janeway. Now we know everything from the start. Writing is also about when do you give away the information. In this case it was too soon. Second, the Borg queen was NOT seductive to Seven at all. Not one moment she was slightly tempted. A queen, in my opinion, has to be seductive in both an intellectual and physical way. She looked rather skinny, although it fascinated me to see how she was built up out of pieces. It was not clever to think that Seven would be tempted by assisting in the assimilation of a species. No, why didn't she seduce Seven with something that is far more appealing, something that has to do with perfection, knowledge (like knowledge of the Omega molecule). Perhaps she could offer Seven power: "I want you to be the next queen." No, the queen showed some compassion, and Seven did not buy it. Clever girl !!! And Janeway, did she strike gold ? Today she found the heart of Annika Hansen, human, whose favorite colour is red. And it was a heart of gold. I think it was a lucky day for the captain after all. -- Cornelia Nauta. the Netherlands TREKKIES A review by Brenda Shaffer-Shiring Having read several reviews, and heard from a few other fans who'd already seen the flick, I approached "Trekkies" with a certain amount of trepidation. Was director Roger Nygard trying to make fun of Trek fen, as one reviewer suggested? Was co-executive producer Denise Crosby bitter, as I'd heard? Was I going to have to sneak out the back door of the theater afterward so none of the other viewers would see I was wearing a Trek shirt? None of the above. In my opinion, "Trekkies" is an honest, but somewhat superficial, look at the fan culture that's sprung up around Gene Roddenberry's brainchild, and about as accurate a presentation as one could expect anyone outside the culture to make. The more colorful members of the community do get a disproportionate amount of screen time. Remember Barbara Adams, the Whitewater juror who showed up for the trial in her Starfleet uniform? You have enough time to get thoroughly sick of her before this 87-minute documentary is over. We see Barbara explaining why she wore her uniform for jury duty: she says since one of her goals as a Trekker is to serve her community, and serving on a jury is her duty to the community, she felt it was appropriate to dress like a Trekker. "Besides," she adds, "other military officers do these things in uniform." (Yeah, Barbara, but they're in the real military....) We see Barbara at a convention with other members of her club, all of whom apparently think her actions, and her resulting celebrity, are just too cool for words. We see Barbara at work, where she wears her communicator pin and rank pips and expects her co-workers to call her "Commander" for her club rank. We don't see Barbara getting beamed into space in a wide-dispersal field, but by this time it doesn't sound like a bad idea. Then there's a (blessedly short) chat with the fan who legally changed his name to "James T. Kirk." And one with a guy who dresses his cat up in uniform and takes him to conventions. And a conversation with another fellow who, after coming across as nothing worse than eccentric for most of the movie, reveals that he actually priced having plastic surgery on his ears to make them pointed. (He can't afford it, he says - then adds, to his wife's obvious dismay, that if he could afford it, he'd have it done.) It's tempting to conclude, from the inclusion of folks like these, that Nygard and Crosby intend to mock fen. But let's face it, those fen are out there; anyone who's spent any amount of time in fandom has met them. And the more extreme members of any group usually draw more attention. When you watch a televised football game in December, which fan do the cameras spend more time on: the normal-looking guy in his warm coat and sensible scarf, or the idiot courting frostbite in nothing but a jockstrap and body paint in his team's colors? And the Barbara Adamses of the community are not the only fans we see. We spend a significant portion of the film with Gabriel Hoerner, a young fan who seems bright, articulate, and creative as he presents a wide range of fan activities and plays convention "tour guide." Other interesting interviews are with two pairs of radio deejays; one pair incorporates Trek themes into their regular broadcast, while the others actually run a radio show called Talk Trek. (I want their job!) A quartet of women friends, dressed mundanely, are shown getting together at a convention to celebrate the 13th anniversary of their meeting, also at a convention. A group of Klingons, in makeup and garb, describe their community service work. Though these folks likely would seem nerdish or odd to mundanes, they also come across as intelligent and well-spoken. There are even Trekker professionals shown. If dentist Denis Bourguignon, who's converted his Orlando, Florida office into Trek-themed "Starbase Dental," seems just a little "too" (and he does), there's also astronomer Inge Heyer, articulate and professional, telling how Trek encouraged her interest in space. There are teachers who say Trek fires their students' imaginations. There's a psychotherapist who says using Trek terms helps his patients understand what he means. There's a real-life computer programmer telling how Trek inspired him to take up his profession. Most splendidly of all, there's the second man on the moon, Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin, speaking of the support Trek has garnered for the space program. The portrayal of fan culture is skewed in some respects. While Denise Crosby (the film's narrator, looking vaguely bemused for most of her presentation) spends a lot of time at conventions and with fan clubs, she glosses very lightly over more private (and thus, less visual) creative activities like fan art or publishing. The only art we see is pictures of Tasha Yar which were sent to Crosby by fans, mostly drawings featuring Tasha and Data in erotic poses. And the only fan fiction discussed is Kirk/Spock slash (homoerotic literature, for those not into fanfic) and the kinky "Mistress Janeway" series. I read and enjoy adult fanfic (I've even written a little), and there's certainly plenty out there, but suggesting that sexually-oriented works are all there is in fanfic sensationalizes the subject, and leaves out a lot. Still, art and fanfic fare better than some other aspects of fandom. There's barely a nod to the old and honorable art of filksinging, and on-line fandom - a major center of fannish activity these days - doesn't fare much better. But some of the positive sides of fandom do receive attention. In addition to repeatedly mentioning charity fund-raising and community service, a number of fans also speak of the diversity and inclusiveness of the fannish community. We see male and female fen of all ages, from across the United States and from a number of other nations, African-American fen, Native American fen, fen in wheelchairs or otherwise differently-abled. Any gay or lesbian fen we see are not identified as such (though we do meet a transvestite Trekker), but one young fan speaks positively of the place these fen have in the Trek community. Also on the plus side: the film is a minor treasure trove of celebrity interviews, with stars like Leonard Nimoy sometimes earnest, sometimes bewildered as they try to explain fandom. Majel Barrett Roddenberry is gracious, well-spoken, and poised, Brent Spiner amusingly puckish, and De Kelley charming as ever. If long-time fans have heard some of the actors' stories before, the tales are still well-told. And some of the insights are new - or at least they were to me. My favorite celebrity moments: Jimmy Doohan moved to tears as he describes how he tried to talk a fan out of committing suicide, to learn later that not only had she survived, but she had also gone on to get a Master's degree in electrical engineering. Kate Mulgrew explaining that the difference between a "Trekkie" and a "Trekker" is that a Trekkie is a passive viewer, but a Trekker is "one who walks along with us." Chase Masterson, on being asked to name the best Trek captain, bursting out, "Captain Kirk! He's a stud!" - then adding slyly, "Captain Janeway's a stud, too." As a member of the fan community, I found "Trekkies" interesting, despite some of the squirmier, more embarrassing moments. If it's not as flattering a portrait as we might like, neither is it as insulting a picture as we might fear - for that matter, it's not as insulting as many portrayals we've already received! For anyone into fandom and fan culture, it's certainly worth a look. VOYAGER PEOPLE MARINA SIRTIS: VOYAGING ON by Michelle Erica Green Deanna Troi's return to Earth on Star Trek Voyager represents a homecoming of sorts for Marina Sirtis as well. Though she played Counselor Troi in three films since Star Trek: The Next Generation ceased production in 1994, filming Voyager's "Pathfinder" episode "was kind of stepping back into the way that she was before - in the movies she went a little zany, so we haven't seen the old Deanna, the psychologist, doing emotional scenes, and I realized I missed doing them." Sirtis appeared on Voyager in December, as well as on Earth: Final Conflict, where she worked once more with Majel Barrett. Barrett, the producer of her late husband's syndicated series, is also the actress who played Sirtis' mother on Star Trek. Still close friends with many of her co-stars from TNG, Sirtis has enjoyed these reunions, but has found them bittersweet as well. "The awful thing was that I got depressed again when it was over," she said of her Voyager guest spot. Returning to film at Paramount was uncanny, particularly since Voyager shoots on Stages 8 and 9 - The Next Generation's former home. Because all of Sirtis' scenes were with Dwight Schultz, who played Reginald Barclay on TNG, "it was like I was doing an episode of Next Gen. A lot of the crew are the same people that we worked with. It was great, but kind of surreal, wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time." PATHFINDER Barclay, famed for becoming obsessed with fantasy doubles of the command crew in one Next Gen episode - another turned him into a spider, while a third evolved him into a super-genius - has made an appearance on Voyager before, in the second season episode "Projections." There, he existed as a holographic version of the real engineer who helped design the emergency medical hologram. Now, the real Barclay is stationed on Earth, working with Starfleet on a plan to bring Voyager back to the Alpha Quadrant. When he begins to work with holographic recreations of the crew in order to predict their responses to Starfleet contact, he becomes obsessed with the lost vessel. "He's not on the Enterprise anymore, and he hasn't made friends on Earth," explained Sirtis. "He goes onto the holodeck and he creates the Voyager crew, and he gets obsessed with trying to make contact with them. Because everyone is fearful that he is going back into his holo-addiction, I show up - I take leave from the Enterprise to help my friend out." Did long-time romantic interest Commander Riker mind letting Troi leave? "I don't know if Troi and Riker are still involved - we haven't seen Riker and Troi since the last movie," the actress laughed, noting that she was pleased the couple reunited in Insurrection, which happened at the request of actor-director Jonathan Frakes. Troi had been involved with brooding Klingon Worf when Next Gen went off the air, but when actor Michael Dorn joined the cast of Deep Space Nine, his character became involved with and eventually married Jadzia Dax. "He had moved on, and I thought they actually made a much better couple than Troi and Worf did," noted Sirtis. "The characters were much better suited, and the fans were really much more into the Troi and Riker relationship." Two successful Trek Pocket Books by Peter David, Imzadi and its sequel, explored that relationship. Ironically, Troi had become involved in one Next Gen episode with a clone of Will Riker created in a transporter accident years before. "I liked Tom better than Will!" laughed Sirtis of the bad-boy Riker who went on to join the Maquis. "He did resurrect the character, but he didn't get the lovey-dovey stuff with Troi." The actress described co-star Frakes as "pretty hunky...though Michael Dorn's not too shabby either!" Yet the sexy bathtub scene in Insurrection wasn't nearly as exciting as it looked on camera. In fact "it was disgusting, actually." Both Sirtis and Frakes were wearing body makeup, "despite the fact that you're going to be in a bathtub, just in case bits of skin show, they make your body up so it looks gorgeous." However, "when you're sitting in a bath full of bubbles, it all starts to wash off. So there was this layer of slime with the bubbles that we would have to agitate. It was actually quite gross towards the end of the day! It looked very romantic, but the reality of the situation was quite different." Will Riker and Troi ever get married? "If there's another movie, maybe we'll find out, and if there isn't, it'll be one of those questions left for all eternity!" exclaimed Sirtis, who said she knows nothing about the status of the next Trek feature. "We hear rumors the same way that everyone else does, and they vary 180 degrees from 'No, there isn't going to be another picture' to 'Yes, there is.' The actors are probably the last people to know. I've heard that it may be a DS9 movie. I'm sure the executives at Paramount have a game plan, but we're not aware of what that is at this point." Sirtis watches the sequel series sometimes because she's friendly with the crew and many of the actors. But "that's an interesting thing, because I remember when we first started and the original cast would say that they weren't really up on Next Gen, I couldn't believe that they weren't watching it, even out of curiosity. I find that I'm kind of in that same boat now. I watch occasionally, but on a certain level, it's too painful to see our successors. It just makes me wistful. I wish I was still doing it - I wish they'd put me back on!" The actress finds it hard to believe that so much time has passed since Star Trek: The Next Generation ended its television run. "It's five years now, but it seems like it was yesterday. I think when the show first ended, everyone was really keen to put it behind them and move on, not get stuck in that whole rut of TV, but as time goes by and you look back, it was such a wonderful experience. I worked with the best group of actors that I've ever worked with, not just talent-wise - we're still best friends. That's probably the only time it's ever happened in Hollywood, people who work together for seven years and then do three movies together and can still be best friends." She still speaks to many of her castmates regularly, and is delighted when called for the films. "Now I look back on it really fondly, so when the opportunity comes to resurrect the character, I'm really up for it, because it was such a positive experience for me. To get together every couple of years for two-three months and work with my best friends and play this wonderful character, I do jump at it. I'd like to do one more feature, so we can say goodbye like the original cast did when they signed off at the end of Star Trek VI. It would be nice to have some kind of closure. " COUNSEL FROM TROI It's interesting that Sirtis describes Deanna Troi in the movies as "zany," because the more lighthearted character seems much closer to Sirtis' own personality. "I was happy that I was able to do that, to bring more of me into it," she agreed. "I think in Hollywood, actors who play closer to themselves have a much easier time than actors who play specific characters that are very far away from who they are. Career-wise, it was a very good move for me." Sirtis said she had tried to bring more of herself into the character during the series, "and basically that meant making it more comedic. I had gotten feedback at conventions, and I was trying to impose that sense of humor on the character. But because the lines weren't there, it never really worked. In fact Jonathan used to say that to me, 'Don't be funny, Marina. Troi is not funny.' But it seems because of that one scene in First Contact [where Troi was drunk], they decided that they liked it. And I was delighted, because it's always much more challenging to do something different and not repeat the old stuff over and over." Sirtis added with a laugh, "My husband always used to say, actually, when he would watch the series, during episodes where I had lost my empathic powers or when I was possessed by an entity or drunk or whatever, 'Why is it when that happens, Troi becomes much more like Marina?'" She has several favorite episodes, each an installment that she sees as a turning point for her character. "The first one, I'd have to say, was 'The Child,' [in which an alien entity impregnates and is born to Troi so that it can experience life as a humanoid]. On a certain level, that was the most important episode for my character as far as I was concerned. That was a real turning point for me psychologically. During the first season, they were very kind of confused about what to do with my character, and I was getting written out of a lot of episodes. I was getting very nervous about being let go. It was scary; I was literally a nervous wreck at the end of that first season." The cast had bonded already, and nobody knew that Gates McFadden's Dr. Crusher would be replaced by Diana Muldaur's Dr. Pulaski at the start of the next season. Denise Crosby had already left the series, "and that helped me out a lot, because when Denise left, it kind of secured my place a little more." Ironically, Sirtis and Crosby had originally auditioned for one another's parts. The security chief was originally conceived as a dark-haired Latino woman, while Roddenberry envisioned the Betazoid counselor as a taller blonde. "I remember we were at Jonathan's wedding - he got married in the first season hiatus - and at the reception, Gene Roddenberry and Rick Berman both independently took me to the side and told me that the first episode of the second season was going to be a big Troi episode. What that meant to me, I can't even put into words. The fact that I still had my job at the beginning of the second season, and that they had enough faith in my character and in me as an actress to launch the second season with me playing the primary role...I was just flabbergasted, I was so happy that they had that faith in me." With her place secured, Sirtis got to have some fun playing "evil possessed Deanna," and "episodes like 'Fistful of Datas,' which was really the first time we saw Troi being a little lighthearted." She also enjoyed "Face of the Enemy," where "you saw Troi having the strength of character in a kind of combative situation and she wasn't possessed by an entity or some alien - she was just strong." "The media tends to portray strong women as unfeminine - if you're a strong woman, you're usually a bitch," observed the actress. "What I loved about Troi was that there was no doubt in anyone's mind she was a strong personality and she had high moral values, but she was also very feminine and cared about how she presented herself to the world." Though she never made a conscious decision to play the character as such, "That was something that really was Marina. Despite the fact that maybe in certain ways we're very different, that was one way that I could really bring something of me to the character, because I feel that I'm a very strong person, but I'm also a very girly girl. I don't think the one excludes the other. And I think that's what a lot of women like to see - that you can be pretty and you can still be strong and smart. A lot of times beautiful women are not portrayed in that way. They're kind of decorative and don't have a strong character. That, I think, was very good for younger girls to see." Sirtis laughs that the great lighting in the films has enhanced her appearance. "I've finally gotten thinner and thinner over the years," she said, adding that when she was offered a role on Voyager, "I went on a diet and started working out every day in case I had to be onscreen at the same time as Jeri Ryan - I didn't want to look like the Goodyear Blimp standing next to her!" As it turned out, all of Troi's scenes were on Earth with Barclay, so Sirtis interacted very little with the Voyager cast. Of Ryan's popularity, Sirtis noted, "The bottom line is that shows stay on the air because people watch them, so if guys tune in to see Jeri Ryan because she's a babe, then good for her. She's gorgeous and she's a really sweet girl, and a good actress. The Borg were always the most popular of all our bad guys, and I think she's brought something to the show - it gives the other characters a lot of interesting stuff to do when they have to interact with her. I think it's good to bring fresh blood in. It makes it interesting and exciting." A GENERATION BEYOND Asked whether playing Deanna Troi changed her, Sirtis replied, "I think it did. It made me a much more confident person. Looking back now, I had such horrifically low self-esteem when I started. Playing someone who was just really together, I think when you play that person for fifteen hours a day for seven years, it mellows you out quite a lot. I was really quite...loud and obnoxious wouldn't be putting too fine a point on it!" Some of her peers from the series have tried to distance themselves from their association with Star Trek, but Sirtis feels the opposite. "This is such a big part of my life, it's still a big part of my life. On a certain level, I do feel an obligation to the fans - I really owe them everything I have in my life. It was because these people turned their TV sets on for seven years that our show ran, and then they paid money to go buy movie tickets. It doesn't really have any effect on your showbiz career if you do conventions and keep in touch with the fans. I'm just thrilled that people still want to pay money to come and see me after all this time." Some of the Trek actors say they fear typecasting. "I've looked at this, and I don't think it's specific to Star Trek; I think it has to do with being in a long-running TV series," said Sirtis. "It's a generalization, since there are people who do one series after another, but what generally happens is that the public associates you with your character whether you're on Star Trek or Cheers." "I think you have to accept that some actors will have a slow period after they've been on a series because they are so associated with one character, and I find that it's kind of cyclical - you'll kind of get rediscovered again," she added. "But I think to try to say 'That was a part of my life that's over' is unrealistic. I was in Toronto when I was shooting Earth: Final Conflict, and Next Gen was on three times a day. People are still watching it, and if they're still watching it, then I want to say hi." It was her bond with Majel Barrett that linked Sirtis to the newer Roddenberry series, which has been on the air nearly as long as Next Gen has been over. "We have a psychic connection!" laughed Sirtis of Barrett. "I had said to her, 'I'd love to do a guest shot on your show,' and she said, 'We'll keep an eye out.' Then, about four months ago, I called Majel out of the blue just to see how she was doing. We were chatting - she was telling me about her new show with Kevin Sorbo. It seems that things are going really well for her." The actress who played her mother for several years told Sirtis that her timing was impeccable, because Barrett had just received a new script for Earth: Final Conflict and was planning to call Sirtis to see if she was interested in playing a guest character. "She described the character and I said sure. I'll be involved with anything with Roddenberry in the title. And it was a really nice part." Nice? A woman who runs a cult of pregnant women working with the Taelons? "Well, she is really evil! And so unlike Troi, and not even that attractive," said the actress gleefully. "It was great to really do something different. The wonderful thing was that while we were shooting the story, they decided that it was a storyline they would like to pursue, because it was very interesting and it was going so well. I don't think I'll be associated with it, because - without giving too much away - it's not feasible. She's in one piece at the end, but she's not breathing. Though mind you, it's science fiction and anything can happen!" These days, the London-reared Sirtis says she looks for "just something that's quality" in scripts. "I still have this feeling that I was on a very high-quality show, and if I do another show, I would want it to be of equal quality. I don't really put any parameters on it, I just want the character to be interesting. I don't really mind if there are similarities with Troi because I could do something different; if they called up and said they want me to be a psychologist, I wouldn't say, 'Oh, no, I've played a psychologist for seven years.' I just look at things as they come in and say, 'Is this interesting, is this something I could see myself doing for a long time?" The "dreaded pilot season" is coming up, so Sirtis expects things to become very hectic very soon. She joked about being a television addict when she's at home. "Brent Spiner and I would always say, when we're not on television, we're watching it. I watch everything - the TV goes on first thing in the morning and gets turned off just before I go to bed. I have my favorites. I watch Law and Order three times a day. I like Frasier, I like The X-Files. I'm a big Must-See TV fan Thursday nights on NBC. I know that's not politically correct for someone who works for UPN most of the time, but I can't watch wrestling!" Still, she says she will watch the upcoming Voyager wrestling episode with The Rock, "just out of interest to see what they do with it." She has made several films since Next Gen went off the air, most recently Paradise Lost, "a movie that we had real hopes for when we shot it, but I've got a feeling that it didn't get distribution, so we'll probably see it in the video stores at some point. That's something that happens so much these days - you do all this work and no one ever sees it because you can't get a distributor. I was watching Janeane Garofalo on Regis and Kathie Lee recently, and she was saying the same thing, so it's not just me! You kind of just have to keep going with the stuff you believe in." Sirtis doesn't rule out the possibility of producing her own material, though she says someone else would have to write and direct it. "What's happening now in Hollywood seems to be that if you have a passion for a certain project, you have to do it yourself. This is something that I've never, ever considered before, but now I'm realizing that it is considered acceptable, especially for women; it's happening much more to get projects off the ground. I am kind of looking into perhaps doing some of that." Her current project, however, is outside the film industry. "My husband and I just bought a restaurant," she said. "This is a new and exciting phase in our lives! It's been open about a month. If I'm there and it gets busy, I'll be behind the bar pouring drinks. I'm not doing the cooking, but I'm making my famous cheesecake this week because my husband thinks it's better than the one they're making right now, so I might be handing over that secret recipe." The Mexican restaurant in Lake Arrowhead Village, California is called Casa Coyote, and the Star Trek Continuum reports that Sirtis' husband Michael Lamper's band plays there frequently. When she's not working, Sirtis supports charities, especially those which benefit animals. "There's a wonderful organization in Utah called Best Friends for Animals which is a no-kill sanctuary, I try to do a lot for them and I sponsor dogs there. And the humane society, I'm an animal person so those tends to be the charities I support." The empathic Counselor Troi lives on. COPYRIGHT VIOLATION CORNER THESE AMBIGUITIES: A CODA TO "COUNTERPOINT" by Tricia Donovan patricia.donovan@dunelm.org.uk [The music that accompanies Janeway and Kashyk's endeavours in the mess hall is Tchaikovsky's 'Romeo and Juliet: Fantasy Overture after Shakespeare': hence my title, which is taken from Act V, sc iii, line 216 of the play. Most of the dialogue is taken from the episode; exceptions are enclosed in square brackets. Paramount owns the universe anyway.] It will not be long now before they come for me. I am ready, an old man weary of life and tired of the game that I once found so intoxicating. Whatever dreams or visions I once had have coalesced around a single image: her face. Waking and sleeping she is ever before me. Terrible in their beauty, her eyes condemn me. Even so, my ending would not bring her joy: she would weep for me as she must have wept for those I destroyed. So many destroyed. Yet it is not their ghosts that have pursued me down the years, but she whom I spared. On this last night, with all I have built in ruins, and my life now very near its bleak end, it is still the enormity of that long-ago loss, the dark leitmotiv of my existence for so many empty years, that torments me. I shall be glad to lose that pain at least. A pain that for want of a better word I shall call love. Was that what we had? That last, unfathomable look of hers, was that love? Was that why I risked position, fortune, even life to send her home to those undreamed-of stars? Does she think that such an act of mercy meant I was not entirely beyond redemption? Does she think of me at all? Ah, my grave judge, no redemption for me ever. I threw myself with yet more enthusiasm into my work. Each undesirable relocated was Kathryn. Each ship impounded was the Voyager. Each telepath eliminated was a wound inflicted on one who could no longer feel it. I tracked her through our space and beyond. Traders, travellers, soldiers of fortune soon learned that there was gain for them in each fragment of news of the alien starship and its pale Captain. Even telepaths hoped they might buy their lives, their selfhood, with news. I took their information and sent them to the camps. What else could I do? It was my duty. There at least she and I are in agreement: duty above all else. There came a time when no more intelligence was forthcoming. Did she bring her ship safely back? Did it crash on some desolate moon? Was she enslaved, or killed in combat, or does she end her days at home, honours heaped upon her head, surrounded by those who love her and are loved by her? O fortunate beyond measure are those whom Kathryn Janeway loves. Does she think of me? * * * * * * It was a game in the beginning. I found it made my work more ... interesting. Prax was not altogether convinced. Ah yes, Prax. As loyal a subordinate as one could wish. His loyalty has been beyond question this many a year; I made sure of that. Prax would play it all by the book. Perhaps I, the risk-taker, would have ended the game sooner, but never had I come across a more worthy opponent than Kathryn Janeway: her wit, a foil for mine, her courage, unquestionable, the passion I sensed beneath that austere demeanour, tantalizing. Besides, there was more at stake here than a dozen telepaths: could I discover and destroy the wormhole, an escape route for criminals and traitors, my future would be assured. It was not merely this woman's intelligence and tenacity that would make her useful to me, but her humanity, her selflessness. Her weakness. Of course I should have cleared the plan with the High Command, as Prax reminded me (although he did not know the whole of it at that stage). Reminded me constantly until I suggested that he might perhaps be finding active service a little too tiring these days. He was quiet then, a middle-aged man near the end of his soldiering who had risen as far as he would in the service, but who recognized that my star was in the ascendant, and he could do worse than throw in his lot with mine. The High Command! Should I let some young aristocrat claim my plan as his own, only to throw me to the wolves should things go awry? I married into the highest circles, as my wife was only too fond of reminding me; I was not born to it as these heel-clicking fops. I was just a farm boy from the grasslands with nothing but my wits and burning ambition to propel me forward. Yet, for all my wife's carping, she knew as well as I that it was not marriage into one of our most ancient families that brought me to where I am. Rather that was a reward for all I had achieved. She was my prize, and her father was only too glad to let her link her fortune with mine, this beautiful daughter of a house that had little enough left to commend it but its breeding. Nevertheless they continually found ways subtle, or not so subtle, to remind me of my humble origins. Kathryn Janeway was herself from a farming community, and perhaps it was that as much as anything that suggested my plan. She, too, was born to wide skies, endless prairies, a life lived, even in our technocracies, according to ancient circadian and seasonal rhythms. Our shared experience would be the means by which I got under this stranger's guard. We both claimed kinship with the land. We both knew that sense of alienation from it that marked us for further horizons: Kathryn, Starfleet almost by birth, I, with my eyes fixed on the vastness of space, drawn to the spirals that from my earliest childhood became my talisman. In their swirling depths and ever-changing colours I saw my future glories. I knew that I was born for more than the farm and marriage to some sturdy peasant girl. My father had been an aristocrat's by-blow, sired by some noble from the city, a soldier on leave, who had enjoyed his romp in the hay, and then thought no more about it. I had inherited my grandfather's dark good-looks. And his ruthlessness. I enjoyed the game at the outset, and so, I think, did Kathryn. Our encounters were stimulating. I knew about the telepaths from the start: our intelligence gatherers had sent word. It was obvious where they would be hidden; transporter suspension as a hiding-place is not a new idea. I kept this particular piece of information to myself for the time being. There was no sense in straining Prax's loyalty beyond reasonable bounds. By the end of my first inspection, a reconnaissance one might say, I knew that if anyone could find the elusive wormhole it would be Kathryn Janeway and her crew. We had been receiving reports of Voyager long before it entered our space. The vessel itself was no great prize: the technology of these wanderers was not especially advanced. What interested me was their reputation for exploration and determination coupled with an all-encompassing humanity. The crew manifest showed a motley collection of waifs and strays, refugees, and asylum-seekers, some of whom hitched a ride for a month or two, a few who stayed. Most significant among the latter was the Borg drone. The Imperium had not yet been troubled by Borg incursions, but we knew of the Collective and were well-prepared to resist when the time came. A Captain who would not only take on the Borg and emerge from the encounter victorious, but abduct one of their number and then spend an infinite amount of patience on restoring the creature's humanity, would surely not baulk at finding a wormhole. If the thrill of the scientific chase were not enough, the humanitarian in Captain Janeway would miss no chance to save lives. Of course I knew the freighter had been conveying telepaths, and even the exact hour that they were transferred to Voyager. For the moment I let them enjoy their 'freedom'. They were the bait to catch a larger fish. I must confess that I had not expected the Captain to be as complex a character as she proved, but from the first I delighted in my encounters with her multi-faceted personality. While she complied with all instructions, and submitted to my inspections, there was nothing of the cowed or submissive in her manner. She parried my every thrust with wit and relish. We circled each other like fighters assessing the other's strengths and weaknesses. What made it more intriguing still was that I could see, even after our first encounter, that she was aware of me as a man. As I was aware of her as a woman. So the plan was put into operation; I 'defected'. She was a little taken aback when I told her that I knew about the telepaths hidden in transporter suspension. Despite this, and my 'gifts' of technical data and patrol routes, she was naturally suspicious. I would have expected nothing less. I spent hours in the briefing room with only a silent security detail for company while the Captain consulted with her senior officers and the Brenari leader. My senses were preternaturally aware that long afternoon. I felt, as if it were my own pulse, the throb and hum of the engines, tasted the flatness of recycled air, saw the wheeling stars pass with infinite slowness. Then she returned to tell me what she had decided. "Nervous?" she asked. And I was. By the Powers I was nervous, as apprehensive as any greenhorn cadet. She didn't tell me of her decision right away, but probed gently, expertly, curious to know why I should expect her to put her ship at risk. "You're turning me away", I said. There was nothing lost really: an afternoon wasted. Prax was waiting for my signal to send in our teams. Yet I felt a sense of loss out of all proportion to the occasion. And, when she told me that she would help me, it was more than triumph that I felt. * * * * * * I saw a great deal of Kathryn Janeway in the next few days. We were together almost constantly, working on the problem of the wormhole. I came to know her every look and gesture, her quirky smile, the elusive scent that she used (surely in defiance of some Starfleet regulation), her smoky voice and unexpected laugh. I spent some time with the Borg female as well. Beautiful, but a mere child who had not yet found herself, and had no surprises to offer. She was undoubtedly intelligent, but with the cold logic of a machine. There were no leaps of intuition, no sudden brainwaves, while Kathryn, whose no less able intellect had been formed in the matrix of her civilization's curious and contradictory culture, would spring to her feet, eyes blazing with excitement even as ideas blazed like meteors across the glittering heavens of her mind. Getting to know Kathryn was like finding one's way through a maze, round and round, retracing one's steps to find oneself altogether somewhere else; drawing nearer to the heart of the mystery only to arrive back at the starting point. Yet even so I had no idea of just how tortuous was the path on which I found myself. We flirted. Oh yes, we flirted outrageously. I think she enjoyed it as much as I. She was lonely, and for the first time in five years she had the chance to be a woman. I knew from my perusal of the crew's personal logs of Chakotay's feelings for her; it was clear that she in some measure reciprocated them, but was prevented from acting on them by her rigid adherence to Starfleet protocols. I was never certain what Chakotay felt about me: that impassive demeanour and impeccable manner was impossible to read, but I sensed some disquiet on his part. Whether that was as First Officer, or as a man I cannot say. I hoped then, and hope even now, that it was the latter. Tuvok was another enigma. I cannot deny that I felt extremely uncomfortable in his company. I understood from Voyager's database that Vulcan telepathy required a degree of cooperation from the subject, a mind-meld they called it, nevertheless, it was a strain being with him; and I found it difficult to control my feelings of revulsion when forced to talk to him as an equal. If, at any time, I had doubts about what I was to do, a few minutes with Tuvok reminded me that upon my work rested the very survival of our race. * * * * * * Our chances of finding the wormhole were greatly increased by information we were given by a scientist from a minor planet some light years from our present position. I had never heard of him, but the Brenari leader seemed to think it was worth contacting him. He proved to be a narrow, fussy little man. I felt we wasted rather too much time on obtaining the information, but I had to admit that the combination of bribery and flattery worked well. For the first time, too, I realized how well Kathryn and I worked together. So, as that busy day became night, a change observed only by chronometers, Kathryn and I found ourselves alone together in the mess hall, music playing softly in the background. We had tried everything, every permutation, in an attempt to find some pattern in the data given to us by the pompous little professor. Nothing. "Think!" cried Kathryn exasperatedly. "I'm thinking!" I snapped back. We were both in that state of extreme tiredness when the mind and body have gone beyond the need for rest, and the mental processes seem to function independently of will. It is often then that the greatest leaps of logic are made. Kathryn paced up and down as the music spun its ancient tale of love and enmity and loss. "We're just out of our league" she said, throwing up her hands in frustration. I thought of the database I had scrutinized so carefully, with its record of victories and achievement over seemingly-impossible odds. "It's not like you to give up. Think harder." At this she sighed and came to stand beside me, stooping slightly to view the data on the monitor in front of me. "How do you predict a random occurrence?" she asked. "You follow your instincts", I replied. Slowly she turned and looked into my eyes. I could see my tiny double image reflected in her pupils. In that minute I was almost afraid of her, of the intensity of her excitement. "Counterpoint." As she explained, I realized that she could be right. We had nothing else, anyway, so what was there to lose? "If we could run an algorithm based on subspace harmonics ..." The computer began its analysis, and we gravitated towards the flask of coffee left by the Talaxian cook. At the beginning my coffee-drinking had been a way of insinuating myself into her regard, of emphasizing what we shared rather than what separated us, but I had come to enjoy the strong, bitter liquid and the clarity of mind it promoted. She promised me the recipe, and I felt no need to tell her that it had already been downloaded from Voyager's database. We spoke of my future and my uncertainties, and I knew, even before her dry observation that anxiety did not become me, and her use of my title, that I was in danger of overplaying my hand. "I suppose you liked me better in uniform", I said with the old mocking edge to my voice. "I'm not sure whether I like you at all", she came back. But it seemed to my hopeful ear that her words did not so much draw a line under our relationship as promise more to come. Perhaps I would have answered, but at that moment my eyes were drawn to the spirals that shimmered beyond the windows. The Kolyon Kolyar: Infinite Spirals. My spirals. My talisman. Yet for the first time they showed me no clear path. I moved to the window and she followed me. I told her the meaning of the name and of the lonely boy who had spent hours gazing at them, and become in time this man who must now take leave of them forever. In return she told me of a similar phenomenon on her far-off planet. Her face was soft with recollection. "Which you, too, may never see again", I said, needling her gently. "I suppose we're both refugees, in a way." For the first time in our brief acquaintance she became defensive: I had touched on one of her deepest fears. She made it clear that she had every intention of getting her ship home. I was amused to see her suddenly at a disadvantage and could not resist pursuing my course. "Are you sure you'll be welcome when you do? I came across something else in your database -- the 'Prime Directive'". I had touched another nerve; she did not try to explain herself further, but cited her "first-name basis" friendship with various admirals as all the justification she required. Then, clearly uncomfortable with the turn the conversation was taking, she began to question me. "You're risking a lot, too. Why?" I told her the story I had worked out beforehand: how I had suffered qualms of conscience after finding a Brenari child hidden in a plasma-refining vessel, a child I had then sent to a relocation centre. Like many successful lies, it had the merit of being based on truth. The experience had marked me; I had caused the destruction of this exquisite child who had reached out to me in innocence and trust. For the first time I had begun to question what I did, what we as a society did. There was no one to whom I could talk (I have always walked alone), and, in any event, one hint that I was ... untrustworthy, and the best I could have expected was a lifetime posting to one of the mining colonies in the asteroid cluster. I had worked through the problem in my own way, remembering the old country proverb: 'In the bud is the fruit'. Now the experience was to be the way to Kathryn Janeway's heart. "Captain, you are my deliverance." I spoke no less than the truth. On her success depended my success. Whatever she would have said was interrupted by the computer announcing the end of its task. I did not dare hope for too much, but one glance at the monitor was enough. "It worked", Kathryn said, turning to me, and in her voice and eyes was all the wonderment of a child seeing its first rainbow. It had indeed worked. The wormhole would appear in the Tehara System. "Is that a problem?" she asked quickly. ["For you, not for me"], I thought. An idea was beginning to take shape, but I could not see clearly how it would play out. For now I told her of the automated sensor array between our present position and Tehara. If we were to reach the coordinates in time, we could not go round it, but would have to find another way of avoiding detection. We were too tired to do anything further: the adrenalin rush that had fuelled our efforts had subsided, and in truth I was barely capable of the simplest arithmetical calculation. Kathryn leaned back in her chair and stretched. Every line of her body spoke of satisfaction. I looked down at her, and then my eyes were drawn again to the windows. "Are you saying good-bye? There will be other spirals." Her voice held such a promise of comfort. "They've just never looked quite so ... beautiful before." I turned and looked down at her where she sat, more relaxed than I had yet seen her. "Could be the company I'm keeping." "Or the polarization axis of the windows." "That must be it", I said, smiling, taking my tone from hers. But never had my spirals looked quite so beautiful; it was as if the music that surrounded us, with all its pain and passion, had been given visual form. As we walked to my quarters, with our dutiful escort, I explained that the sensor array was programmed to track warp fields and impulse signatures; if we kept our power output below the detection level ... "We could drift past undetected", Kathryn finished. We reached the door and the easy conversation between us stopped abruptly, as if it had struck against a force field. Kathryn wished me good night but I could see that she was at a loss, and I was unsure of what I should do next. As she turned away, I knew I could not let this moment slip by, and hesitantly invited her to join me. "I've been looking forward to trying your replicator. Well, I'm sure that I can come up with something to toast the evening." Instantly I felt a lessening of tension, but not in quite the way I had hoped. The line was drawn firmly between us again as she told me that she had had my replicator taken off-line. "In case I decided to replicate a weapon", I said, as proud of her as if she were a promising young cadet under my command. We said our goodnights, but I saw regret in her eyes, and I wondered if she would have acted differently if that grinning fool of a guard had not been standing there. Had he answered to me he would have been scrubbing out the plasma manifolds for the next two weeks for his insolence, but I saw him next day going about his duties; he seemed in cheerful enough mood. Alone in my quarters I said her name experimentally into the sterile air: ["Kathryn."] It seemed to hang in the stillness for a long interval, and there was something oddly satisfying about the unfamiliar cadences on my tongue. ["Kathryn."] Then the thick silence closed round my words. Would it have ended differently had she accepted my invitation? Perhaps. I only know that through what was left of that night I tossed and turned on the narrow bed trying to decide what I should do next, and my fitful dreams brought me no answer. * * * * * * The next morning as I made my way to the bridge I was still pondering what to do with the information I held. I had been correct in telling Kathryn that the sensor array was programmed to respond to warp signatures and impulse engines. What I had not yet told her was that too many ships had been escaping detection by drifting past in 'grey mode'. To combat that, only last week the array had been modified: if a vessel's warp core were not shut down, the pulse transmitted by the array would cause a variance in the antimatter stream that would in turn trigger an alert. I was one of the few people who was privy to this particular piece of information. Saying nothing and allowing matters to take their course was the best way of ensuring that I could return to the warships without arousing the Captain's suspicion. What I no longer knew was if I wanted to return. This indecision was foreign to my nature. My plan had seemed so clear-cut, my future assured. Now the Imperium and its tiers and hierarchies, its petty wranglings and suspicions, seemed ... unreal. Perhaps there was a future for me elsewhere after all, one equally glittering. Perhaps there were other spirals. So deep in thought was I that I failed, until the last moment, to see the Brenari child blocking my way. She gazed up at me with grave, dark eyes that seemed knowing beyond her years, in the way of her kind. I looked back at her, unsure what to do. She reminded me of that earlier child. All the doubts and uncertainties of a few months ago surfaced again, and I was at a loss to know the right way to proceed. So we stood in the corridor of this alien ship, roles reversed: the man, the embodiment of the ruling power, helpless before the silent and self-possessed outlaw child. Had she read my thoughts? Had I been shielding them effectively, or was my guard down long enough for her to insinuate her way into my mind and find out all she wanted to know? A woman, her mother I presumed, came up behind me so quietly that, until she spoke, I did not realize she was there. ["Inspector?"] I started and turned to face her. She was courteous enough, but she did not smile and her eyes were watchful. I inclined my head slightly, then continued on my way to the bridge, taking deep calming breaths, and going through the mind control exercises I had been taught so many years ago. I decided that I was worrying unnecessarily: after so many years in the field, mind-shielding had become an automatic process. Doubtless the child had been curious to see this foe-turned-friend, and there was nothing more to it than that. Nevertheless, my mind was made up; I could not live among a people who permitted telepaths to live among them: the violation of self was too great. Tuvok greeted me in his usual impassive fashion; the familiar feeling of revulsion swept over me, and I knew the rightness of my decision. Kathryn looked up and gave me a quick, warm smile. In that moment I found myself wavering again, but by then it was too late to do anything. We were on the array. Curiously enough, when the Chief Engineer failed to shut down the warp core in time I felt a pang of regret. "Warships will be on their way but we can still reach the wormhole", I said urgently. Of course it was essential to the success of my plan that Voyager should find the wormhole, but at the same time I suddenly realized that I wanted them to succeed for quite a different reason. My reactions were strangely dichotomous that morning. I no longer knew who I was. As the ship powered its way towards the Tehara system I joined the Captain and senior officers in the briefing room. The Brenari leader was also present. The Borg, using the data that Kathryn and I had furnished, explained just where the wormhole would open. Tuvok followed with a report on weapons status. "You're not planning to fight your way to the wormhole?" I asked incredulously. "If I have to", was the reply, and once more I was lost in admiration for this remarkable woman. The meeting dispersed in a flurry of activity, and the Captain asked me to accompany her to Engineering. As always when under pressure, Kathryn's mind was working at warp speed as she considered her ship's defence capabilities, and the possibility of modifying the weapons array so that it could penetrate the Devore penetrate our shields. "Captain," I said abruptly, "we have to talk. But not here." Kathryn said nothing, but followed me as I led the way to my quarters. Once we were alone in the anonymous room she looked at me gravely. I told her that I would have to return, that it was the only way I could ensure her safety. Her voice was strained as she argued for me to stay, yet she must have known all the while that there was no point to it. For a moment she was quiet, not looking at me as she struggled with her emotions, gazing on some bleak inner landscape I could only guess at. Bewilderment and hurt showed on her face, and I wondered if she had seen through my subterfuge. Then she looked up with a wistful smile. "I was planning on asking you to stay once we'd gone through the wormhole. I wouldn't mind having someone around who appreciates a bit of Tchaikovsky now and then." The first part of my plan had succeeded beyond all my wildest hopes, yet I felt no sense of achievement, only a terrible feeling of loss so deep that nothing could ever assuage it. "Generous, but something tells me I wouldn't fit in any better on the Voyager." The words I spoke to Kathryn Janeway were neither more nor less than the truth. At that instant my whole self lay bare for her inspection. "You wouldn't be the first wayward soul we've folded into our ranks", she said with a rich laugh. Then her face set into a stoic mask, and she was the Captain as she told me my shuttle would be ready within the hour. I felt her pain as she turned away, but I was powerless to intervene in the consequences of my duplicity. I spent most of that hour in Engineering with Kathryn and Torres, the Chief Engineer, but none of their endeavours seemed entirely real to me. I no longer belonged on this ship, if indeed I ever had. I was relieved when my craft was pronounced ready and we started down the long corridor towards the shuttlebay, Kathryn impressing upon me the need to get the inspection teams off Voyager before the wormhole opened. The Vulcan walked behind us. I thought with bitter amusement that when I had arrived alone on Voyager only a few days ago I had merited no more than an ensign. Now the Chief Security Officer came to escort me from the vessel. At the entrance to the shuttlebay he bade me farewell in his formal fashion. I smiled and thanked him, but, now that my departure was imminent, I found it harder than ever to behave towards him with civility. I hoped that any stiffness on my part would be attributed to my understandable nervousness. Kathryn waited quietly while I gave instructions to the shuttle's on-board computer. Then she began to speak, her voice low and urgent, telling me she had made one adjustment to my plan: Voyager would wait for me at the wormhole. I was overwhelmed with tenderness for her, and my regret was unfeigned as I said "I may not be able to join you this time." "Try." And I was impaled upon the yearning in her voice. I have often attempted to analyse my motives for what I did next. The success of my plan was assured; Kathryn had finally come to trust me, of that I was certain. There was no need for further embellishments, although it would certainly serve to lay to rest any lingering doubts she might have. But it was only later, when I was alone, that I sought to rationalize my actions. At that moment there was no reason, only desire, no thought, only need, no Imperium or Federation, only a man and a woman. At that moment I was without guile and, perhaps because of that, I was clumsy as I kissed her. Tentatively she held me, and I felt her lips part slightly. Gently I pulled away and looked down at her. Her eyes were closed; she was in a place apart where I could not follow. Slowly her eyes opened. She looked into mine with such intensity that I felt she would read my mind, and then she reached for me, cupping my head between her small hands. This time I kissed her gladly, with no hesitation or awkwardness, holding her tightly against me. As we broke apart, I took her hand in mine and reverently pressed my lips to its soft palm and tapering fingers. I gazed on her as a man condemned to life in a dungeon might take his last lingering look at the sky, then I turned and walked the few paces to my shuttle. Although I knew she must have her eyes fixed on me, I did not look back. * * * * * * Back on my ship I found that all was in order. I expected no less. Yet I hardly cared, as if the minutiae of shipboard life were nothing to do with me. Prax jumped to attention with gratifying promptness, but he appeared almost surprised to see me, and there was something else that I could not quite identify. He began a seemingly-endless recitation of trivia, but I cut it short and told him to deal with matters as he saw fit. I then informed him that in a few hours we would board Voyager for a further inspection. ["Yes, Sir!"] he said, apparently happy now that things were being done by the book once more. But again I caught a glimpse of something unfamiliar and disquieting, like a feral gleam in the eye of a docile pet. It occurred to me that I might have underestimated Prax. Telling him not to disturb me, unless it was a matter of the utmost urgency, I retired to my quarters. I programmed the replicator with the specifications for strong black coffee, and, with Mahler's joyful music filling the room, I settled down to consider my next course of action. Through the window the coruscating glories of the Kolyon Kolyar beckoned and smiled, but I was scarcely aware of them. In truth I still did not know exactly what I would do when I returned to Voyager. For a fleeting instant I wondered if I could delay our ships in some way so that the alien vessel could escape before we reached it. But I remembered the look in Prax's eyes, and knew that it was not an option: my recent behaviour had been too unorthodox to allow me to walk away from this without something to show for it. And the wormhole was mine. I had invested too much in its discovery to let it go now. In any event, if my teams failed to apprehend Voyager, other warships would respond to the alert transmitted by the array. Taking charge of the inspection was, as I had told Kathryn, the only way I could guarantee her safety. If we were successful in finding the wormhole, the Imperium could afford a degree of magnanimity where she was concerned: she and her crew, even the self-righteous Tuvok, would be allowed to proceed on their way. If not, there were always the Brenari -- once we had removed the fugitive telepaths I could surely find some reason for letting Kathryn go free that would pass muster with my superiors. I seemed to hear her voice: "Well let's just say I usually go with my instincts -- and sort it out later at the board of inquiry." Prax might pose a problem, but I would deal with that in my own good time and in my own fashion. I would not allow myself to think about Kathryn's reaction to all of this, although I suppose I knew all along what it would be. She had told me only briefly why and how Voyager had been stranded in this quadrant. The database had told me the rest of it. When reduced to its essence, how different was the Brenari's situation from that of the Ocampa? Did I really believe that Kathryn would be prepared to pay such a price for her freedom? Did I really believe that she would smile her approval of my actions? No. But ah, fool that I was, for a few hours alone in my quarters, I let myself believe. * * * * * * The inspection proceeded much like any inspection. If I had had any doubts about the success of my subterfuge, they were instantly dispelled by the realization that the Vulcan was on the bridge. I allowed myself a small smile of satisfaction. Yet mixed with the sense of triumph was anger that she should be so foolish. With that one trusting act she had given herself and her crew into my hands. I summoned her to the Ready Room. She entered briskly and gave Prax and the other soldiers a dismissive glance that rendered them ... irrelevant. There was such an air of suppressed gaiety about her that I wondered the whole ship could not see it. It was then that I truly knew what I had lost, but I had to play the game to its close, or forgo the prize I had bought so dearly. I would dismantle this construct of lies with as much care and artistry as I had assembled it. Since I could not have her, then I must cease to want her; to leave intact even one atom of my ... affection for this woman, would have rendered my existence, from that moment on, unbearable. ["Kathryn. Kathryn."] For a moment I believed I had spoken her name aloud, but then I realized that it was no more than my thought echoing dully in the fastnesses of my mind. "Captain, good to see you again", I said genially, as though this were just one more routine inspection. "Likewise", she replied. She stood by the window, half turned away from me, and I recalled how I had stood beside her at the window of the mess hall, looking out on the shining depths of space. "Tchaikovsky. Of all the selections in your database, this remains my favourite." "Mine too", she said softly, and I knew she was remembering that night. "I'm afraid Prax isn't impressed." Nor was he impressed with me. 'Subtle' was not a word one would use in connection with the man. His disapproval hung heavy in the room; he was for getting on with the business in hand. I sensed his restlessness as she and I resumed our verbal duel. His annoyance only served to encourage me. The guards had left the room and it was just the three of us. Each believed that he (she) knew the true meaning of what was said. Each was deceived, and I, the orchestrator of this discord, was the most deceived of all. "Exploring can sometimes be hard to resist, Inspector", she said in response to my counterfeit questioning. Her voice was low and seductive and I knew I had to end this now. I ordered Prax to check on the inspection teams. Barely had he left the room than she hurried to me, asking if we were under suspicion. I reassured her that for the moment we were safe, but that the warships had been monitoring, not only Voyager's movements, but mine, and that our time was running out. "The Brenari?" I tried to keep my voice neutral. Was it my imagination, or did she hesitate before telling me that they were in transporter suspension? "And the wormhole?" "We found it." There was a look of pride on her face mixed with something that could almost have been the desire for approval. Ah! I had not realized until then how tense I had been; for a moment I could do nothing but savour this triumph. She was still looking at me, expecting me to say something. I did not disappoint her. "Prax!" The door opened and my First Officer entered the room accompanied by two of my guards. I ordered him to Cargo Bay One and told him where to find the telepaths. "Rematerialize them." I watched her all the time I was speaking. Blankness came down over the brightness in her face as swiftly as a tropical nightfall, cutting me off forever from the sight of Kathryn. The Captain stood before me, cold and inaccessible. I knew, as I looked at her, that nothing I could do now would be less than abhorrent to her. "Impressive. You gave a masterful performance." Had I expected she would beg for mercy, remind me of what we had been to each other, short though our time together was? Probably not. But I had not expected to feel so ... hollow. Mine was no mean achievement. I was the victor, so why did I feel myself the vanquished? Should I allow her principles, her self-righteous Starfleet moralizing, to diminish my success? "I'm the one who's impressed: with your selflessness, your humanity. It made all this so much easier." "But what about your selflessness?" My puzzlement at this surprising remark must have shown on my face. She reminded me of my "touching story" of the Brenari child. "Oh, that incident was real", I said, tossing it aside like an outmoded component that had served its purpose and was of no further use. I had her escorted onto the bridge. She faltered slightly at the entrance, as if seeing the familiar stations manned by unfamiliar figures had, for the first time, made her realize the true horror of her situation. When she would have taken her accustomed seat, I motioned her to the First Officer's station. Tiny and pale, surrounded by my men, wholly in my power, she was somehow ... unreachable. There was an awful stillness in her and she would not look at me. By the Powers I would make her speak. Briskly I told my men what to do. The pleasure I felt in their efficiency was multiplied a thousandfold by the knowledge that she was observing all this; yet although I was intensely aware of her I gave no sign of it. ["This is for you, my love"], I said savagely to myself. ["My gift to you."] Over the com-system, Prax reported that he had isolated the telepath bio-patterns. I thought fleetingly of the child in the corridor. This would wipe the insolent stare from the brat's face. The sensors showed neutrino emissions 20,000 kilometres off the port bow. It was exactly as she had said. I gave the command to fire, and watched as the photon torpedo sped towards its destination. In a few seconds the wormhole would open, and then, by my command, we would see it blossom brightly into nothingness. The seconds passed and the fabric of space was unmarked. Surely the weapon had not malfunctioned. It was unthinkable that anticlimax should be allowed to mar this moment. I accessed the tactical readout by the side of my chair. As I took in the significance of the data, and realized what she had done, it was more than the loss of the wormhole that I had to face. She had lied to me. It had all been a lie: her offer of asylum, her soft words and looks, the moments we had shared. Our kiss. "You created false readings." At this she turned to me. "That is the theme for this evening, isn't it?" she said, with an air so artless that it was clearly assumed. I would not, after all, have my glory, but I had the Brenari. Then I remembered that momentary hesitation before she had told me they were in transporter suspension. Even before Prax told me that he had found nothing more than cargo containers filled with vegetables, I knew they would have gone. "Computer, change music selection. Mahler's Symphony Number One, Second Movement." She was almost smiling. She was enjoying this. "Maybe this will help you relax", she added, using my own words against me. I would have spoken, but at that moment one of my men reported that two shuttlecraft were missing. So that was how they had left the ship, but why had our scans failed to pick them up? Then I realized that it was more than my words that she had used against me. I had the scanners adjusted to compensate for refractive shielding. "Well, you gave us the specifications. Seemed a shame to waste them." She was making a fool of me in front of my men, but in the midst of my anger I could not help but admire her. Her courage was like a bright banner, carried defiantly into battle. Only there was no one left to rally to her standard. Once the adjustment had been made it was easy enough to locate the shuttles. I gave the order to pursue at maximum warp. By the time I had finished with them, the fugitive Brenari would beg to be sent to the camps. Prax looked up from his console. The shuttles had disappeared from sensors, and if there had been a wormhole, it was gone. That 'if' rang loudly in the air. Was he questioning my judgement? And was that satisfaction that I could hear in his voice? Did the man not realize that if I fell, I would take him with me? He continued, and this time there was no doubt. He was enjoying himself. "I'll order Janeway and her crew removed. We'll confiscate the vessel ..." "You're dismissed", I said tiredly. Although she had not moved, I was aware of her listening intently to my words. But that fool of a Prax would not be quiet. "Imperative 12, codicil six requires ..." Dear heaven, had I sacrificed a life of grace and intelligence with Kathryn for this? Impatiently I explained to the dolt that it would be in neither of our interests for this to go on record, and so none of it had happened. "Make sure your teams share that understanding." He inclined his head, the perfect subordinate, but I knew he would not leave it at that. When he and the others had left the bridge, I turned to her. I was all at once very tired. "Well played, Captain." What else was there to say? It was a game after all. Nothing more. "I had to take a few precautions. You understand." There, once more, was the promise of comfort in her voice. A promise that would never be fulfilled. "I never lied to you," she went on, leaning towards me. In her eyes was something that might have been the ghost of longing. "My offer to take you with us was genuine." "For what it's worth, you made a tempting offer", I replied, and then we were both quiet. I have often wondered if she was as conscious of loss in that moment as I. "The bridge is yours", I said, and walked slowly towards the turbolift. It was truly the longest walk I have ever taken. Although I knew her eyes would be fixed on me, I would not look back. Then I turned and looked at her. * * * * * * There is little enough to tell of the intervening years. Less than one week after I parted from Kathryn Janeway, the warships that had been involved in the abortive mission were destroyed in what the official inquiry determined had been a terrorist attack. The Investigators expressed their pleasure that, by good fortune, I had not been aboard my ship at the time, having been called away on urgent family matters. Prax and the inspection teams perished in the explosion. Some notorious activists and telepath-sympathizers were arrested, tried, and executed. Curiously enough I was deeply affected by the loss of Prax. An unimaginative man, but not entirely lacking in intelligence. He had been with me since my cadet days, first as my training officer and later as my second-in-command. His 'Imperative this, codicil that' had irritated me beyond belief at times, but I missed his dull attention to detail and refusal to show any initiative. None of his successors has been ... reliable. He was posthumously awarded the highest honour the Imperium can bestow upon its soldiers, and his widow was granted a more than generous pension; I saw to all of that. In the same way I ensured that his children were provided for and that his daughters, three in all, made advantageous marriages. His only son's physical resemblance to his father was striking, but in the eyes I saw an intelligence and a hunger that reminded me of myself at the same age. I watched over his career, smoothed his pathway, and in due course had him married to my daughter. Yet we have never been close. I have often wondered if he suspected me of complicity in his father's death. It would explain much. My daughter has been the one delight of my life. Although she is unlike her physically, she reminds me of Kathryn in her passion and tenacity. The fierce loyalty that led her to warn me of the plot against me, prevented her from saying how she came by the information; that, more than anything else, tells me who is the architect of my downfall. I shall not run. But there will be no show trial for me. I have returned to the grasslands where I was born. This morning I dismissed my staff and now I am alone. It has been close and humid today, and nightfall has brought no lessening of the heat. Tonight there will be a storm. I access the computer memory and all is ready. It has been many years since I listened to that music. Now it weaves its solemn magic, as on that long ago night when she and I worked together in perfect harmony. I raise the cup to my lips. I have not tasted coffee since I left the Voyager, yet its bitterness is familiar on my tongue. It masks the bitterness of the draught I have swallowed. I step outside and walk forward out of the rectangle of light before the open door and into the breathless night. The trees are no more than dark shapes on the dull black sky. Clouds have covered the heavens; my spirals are invisible. There was one pale star far to the north, but that has gone now. I am so cold. KASHYK by Patricia Leathem It was the sound of his boots upon the floor, Or the look he gave her when she opened the door. Perhaps it was the sound of his voice, the power of his mind, She couldn't seem to leave behind. Perhaps it was his kiss she couldn't erase, Or the look that passed across his face. They had played a game of wits, of strategy, of skill. She found him engaging, much against her will. They had fought, and she had won. Their battle, it seemed, was done. But, every once in awhile, She would think of him and smile. ONCE UPON A TIME by Dee Price Disclaimer: This fairy tale, like all fairy tales, endures in our minds, unlike Paramount who owns all things associated with the world of Star Trek and laughs at screwing up our minds. However I borrowed a couple of characters. Once upon a time, in the 24th Century, there was a Starship called Voyager, whose Captain was Kathryn Janeway. One day Captain Janeway was ordered by her boss Starfleet Command to go out and capture a Maquis Captain by the name of Chakotay. It seems this rascal was stealing Starfleet's playthings and they didn't like that one little bit. No siree. In fact they pouted, stamped their feet and yelled "We don't like you for taking our things! We'll get you for this!" So Captain Janeway got her brand new ship and started after Captain Chakotay. But a funny thing happened on the way to capture this rogue--fate intervened and both ships were thrown into a galaxy far, far away--sorry that's another sci fi film. Anyway, both ships ended up in the Delta Quadrant, which is still far, far away from the Alpha Quadrant no matter how you cut it! Come to find out some crusty old man brought them there. "The nerve of you to take us from our home!" shouted Janeway. "Why have you done this to us," asked Chakotay in a soft voice. "You're a contentious bi-pedal species, you're not what I want," replied the old man. "Go find your own way home." Well Janeway didn't care for that attitude, but as it turned out, they indeed had to find their way home when Janeway, trying to keep another species from taking over this old man's array, proceeded to blow it right out of the sky. A dumb decision you say? (Well without it there wouldn't be this story now would there?) Moving right along, the two crew's combined on Voyager and Captain Janeway, deciding she needed to keep peace in the family, appointed Chakotay as her First Officer. Feeling quite smug at that she was taken aback when he replied "I wont be your token Maquis First Officer!" However her focus was on his lips not his words and they started their journey to return to the Alpha Quadrant. The fact it was 75 years away was immaterial, she would just stare at his lips the whole time, make enemies of every alien race she met and Voyager would take a licking but keep on ticking. A few years went by and Ensign Kim was sucked out into space and yet we have an Ensign Kim. Naomi Wildman died as a baby yet we have a six year old Naomi and Kes zipped away as a ball of energy. Holy Batman! What is going on in that Delta Quadrant? Following that, Janeway assimilated a Borg Drone into Voyager's crew, confusing the ungrateful thing as it usually happened in reverse, and poor Chakotay seemed to crash every shuttle he got into, until one day he stomped into Janeways Ready Room and complained the writers were giving him a bad reputation! Anyway Janeway and Chakotay, or J/C for short - hmmm that's catchy - became good friends, in fact you could see the rapport and care they developed for one another, but alas and alack, in this fairy tale Cinderella and Prince Charming kept hearing the bong of the clock striking midnight without any happy resolution. (It is whispered a bb pellet was launched to spite those who thought it was something special.) Following the arrival of the scattered bb pellets, Chakotay was given trysts with an ex Borg who got into his mind, someone else he couldn't even remember and someone who looked like an overgrown grasshopper. As to Janeway she seemed to lust after holographic characters, which makes one wonder who got into her mind. As this fairy tale continued, the good old Captain became the hard old Captain, feeling that was better than being a warm, compassionate human being, which totally confused and disgruntled the readers. During this time the ship entered an area that was continually black as the ace of spades and she decided to disassociate herself from the crew while she either felt sorry for herself or blamed herself for the pickle they were in. The only time she came out of her room was when a robot started wandering the corridors shouting "Danger, Danger, Will Robinson," and she charged out of her room armed with old Betsy and snarled to the robot, "Get the name right mister or you're a bunch of burnt out computer chips!" A short time later along came another Starfleet Captain, also stranded in the Delta Quadrant by that cantankerous old man back at the no longer existing array, and he was going to get home before her by disregarding Starfleet's Directive. Well Captain Janeway couldn't have that and proceeded to go after him with gusto and vengence, decidedly not cool for a Starfleet Captain, and much to her crew's dismay. However, as in all fairy tales, good triumphs over evil - or as in this case slightly bad over really bad - and this adventure was resolved with the other Captain seeing the error of his ways and going out in a beautiful fireworks display. Captain Janeway almost, but not quite, apologized to her First Officer Chakotay, who as always forgave her. Now they are closer to getting home, within oh...about 30 years, and achieved through some ingenious means I must say. So what will happen to Voyager on the remaining journey? What will happen to JC when they get back to Earth? Will Captain Janeway desert her holographic lover for a 'shag me baby' real thing? For that matter what will happen to this story! Stay tuned for "As The Voyager Turns." Check your nightly schedule for the next installment. Ahem, excuse the interruption, an apparent anomoly entered this quadrant of the fairy tale.. Back to the story... What will happen to our intrepid heroes? Well, like all fairy tales, it's supposed to have a happy ending, but time, and some new writers, will tell. The End LONG LOST LOVE by Dee Price Disclaimer: All things Trek belong to Paramount. No infringement intended. Just using some of the characters for my story. Kathryn groaned as she slowly rose from her chair. Getting old was really beginning to be discouraging she muttered to herself. Slowly she headed for her bedroom where with the assistance of her live-in helper, Mattie, she changed clothes. Tonight was a big night, for her and a lot of other people. It was the 50th Anniversary of the return of Voyager from the Delta Quadrant and Starfleet had decided to invite as many of the crew that were still alive to help celebrate this gala festivity. Voyager had brought back many discoveries that were in use in Starfleet today and even improved upon since then. Kathryn, now 95 years old, was looking forward to this event.. It would be so good to see her old crew again, even if she probably wouldn't recognize some, due not only to time but her fading vision. She sat on the bed with a big sigh and motioned to Mattie she would like to rest a minute before continuing. As she sat there she thought of her senior officers. At first in the excitement of the homecoming festivities she saw them a lot, but gradually that dissipated until she hadn't seen them now for years. Her thoughts drifted to Chakotay, her handsome First Officer. She had been sent out to capture him, and to save the Ocampa race, he had helped her battle the Kazon Ogla and then assimilated his crew into hers after ramming his ship into the huge Ogla Battle Cruiser. Chakotay served her loyally for those seven years on Voyager, then after the excitement had died down had told her one day he was going to go see his old village on Dorvan 'for awhile', but he never returned. She wondered if he would be there tonight. A few years after he had left she heard rumors he had married someone on Dorvan, but nothing more. Sighing she finished dressing and walked to the front room to await the shuttle Starfleet was sending for her. Thirty minutes later an Ensign appeared at her door. Upon arrival at the festivities, he proudly escorted her through the crowd towards her table, stopping on occasion while she said hello to someone who greeted her. The music was playing and various people, upon learning Captain Janeway was present, stopped by her table to say hello. She had fond conversations with Tuvok, who although extremely elderly and frail had decided to attend. Also B'Elanna and Tom, who had married after their return, as well as Harry, who had advanced to an Admiral before retiring, and the ever-smiling Neelix. An hour went by and as she sat and looked around she suddenly heard, "Hello, Kathryn." That voice...that soft, rich voice she would know anywhere, even after fifty years! Looking up she smiled in delight. "Hello Chakotay. I was wondering if you would come." With a groan he slowly sat down in a chair beside her and smiled. Still has that marvelous smile and dimples, thought Kathryn as she looked at him. "Well I debated. It's a long trip for someone my age, but then I figured I might as well, as Starfleet was making such a big issue about it. Besides, it would be good to see everyone again. How have you been, Kathryn.?" She smiled. "Like you, getting older! But other than a few infirmities, fine. However, I see you have aged gracefully, Chakotay, you are as handsome and dashing as ever." "I doubt that Kathryn, especially the dashing. Haven't moved faster than a shuffle for years," he said and they both laughed. He then sat and looked at her a moment before adding, "But you are still as beautiful as ever." Kathryn chuckled. "Well now that we have complimented one another and dispensed with those amenities, we can just talk." She looked around the room as an awkward silence followed and said, "It looks like Starfleet has rounded up a lot of the crew." "Seems that way," said Chakotay absently. "It was good to see B'Elanna again...and Tom. They seem happy. B'Elanna appears to have tamed Tom, or is it the other way around?" "Probably both," said Kathryn laughing. She turned and looked back at Chakotay and was startled to see him looking at her, looking deep into her eyes, deep into her very soul. As she looked back she saw it and her heart jumped...the love, the passion, the deep feelings for her she had so often seen in his eyes on Voyager, the relationship that she hadn't allowed to happen. As quickly, the look disappeared and turned to sadness, pain and loneliness. She continued looking at him, then slowly and quietly reached out her hand to his laying on top of the table, and gently placed hers atop his. "What happened to us, Chakotay?" she asked softly. "Starfleet," came the simple reply. "Starfleet happened to us, Kathryn..." She patted his hand and nodded. "Yes," she whispered, "Starfleet." Then she sighed and looked down at the table for several long moments, while continuing to rest her hand on his. She noted he made nary a move, either away from her touch or to hold her hand, and felt pangs of regret. Raising her head to again look at him she found a big lump in her throat prevented her from speaking, and her eyes stung with a desire to cry. Finally she managed to utter, "How is your wife? I heard at one time you got married." He sat and looked at her for a very long time without answering , then softly said, "You heard wrong. I never married. You were the only woman I loved, the only woman I will ever love, Kathryn. You knew that on Voyager and you know it now." They looked at one another but before she could respond Harry and Neelix walked up and after asking to join them, sat for thirty minutes with Neelix dominating the conversation, during which Kathryn and Chakotay barely looked at one another, concentrating instead on this conversation. Finally both Harry and Neelix left to rejoin their families, but Kathryn and Chakotay were not left alone, as many of the crew continued to stop by and briefly chat. In the few moments they had, the conversation was simply meaningless chit chat. Chakotay suddenly stood during one lull and looking down at Kathryn held out his hand. "I may step on your feet, but would you care to dance one dance with me Kathryn?" "I would be delighted, Chakotay," she said as he helped her rise. Moving out on the dance floor she felt a tingle of excitement as he took hold of her hand and placed the other at her waist. As they slowly moved to the music, they became lost in each other's eyes and without knowing when, found themselves dancing body to body and then cheek to cheek. She whispered, "You know, in all the events Neelix had on Voyager, we never once shared a dance." Chakotay chuckled as he answered. "We didn't dare. Tom would have had a pot going before the music stopped." Kathryn giggled as she nodded her head. "He was really something wasn't he?" Soon they were aware the music was ending and Chakotay escorted her back to the table where they finished their meal, spoke briefly with other crew members, and had moments of awkward silence. Near the end of the evening Chakotay suddenly smiled and moaning softly, rose. "Well it has been good seeing you again, Kathryn, but I have to leave now. It's a long flight back to Dorvan and I can't miss my transport, although it rarely seems to run on time. Take care of yourself," he said as he looked down at her, then added quietly, "Goodbye Kathryn," and turned and walked away before she could barely utter, "Goodby Chakotay..." Kathryn watched as he made his way through the room, never taking her eyes off him until he vanished through the doors. Even then she continued to stare. He's gone ...again. Walked away from me once more, and I still didn't tell him how I felt about him, even when he admitted he still loved me. She wondered what kept her from saying anything. I do love him, she said fiercely to herself. So very much!...So why can't I tell him? Why wont the words come out? Fifteen minutes later she sent a request for the Ensign to take her home, she was tired and ready to leave. The young man immediately appeared and escorted her out of the room and to her shuttle. As she sat down with a big sigh, she thanked him and leaning back closed her eyes. She felt so tired .... but was it tired or lonliness she wondered. Presently she felt a hand gently shaking her shoulder. "You're home ma'am," said the Ensign. Looking out the window she saw her house and nodded. Home, her home, and again she would be alone and lonely. Death would be welcome she mused as the Ensign helped her out and up the steps. Mattie opened the door and took over for the Ensign, walking her to her bedroom. * * * * * * Chakotay arrived at the shuttle station and noted with a knowing smile the transport was late. Sitting down he pulled out a PADD and read for awhile. It was a collection of short adventure stories as he hadn't wanted to read anything deep on this trip. After a time he heard the announcement the transport had arrived and sauntered to the beam up area and soon was standing on the platform. He idly watched the people debark and then even knowing the transport would not leave for thirty more minutes, decided to board anyway and find himself a good seat. He felt tired and would probably sleep all the way home. Finding a good seat near the rear he sat down heavily, then turned and looked out the port view and down at Earth, down where Kathryn was. "Kathryn" he sighed wistfully, then after putting his shoulder harness on leaned back and closed his eyes. Might as well get a head start on his rest he mused to himself. But sleep would not come as his mind stayed on Kathryn. She was as beautiful as he remembered. He shouldn't have come, he berated himself. All it did was open old wounds, expose his feelings, the feelings he thought he had buried years ago, but now knew they would never leave him and never be fulfilled. He would never be with his soulmate and his heart cried out to his spirits at that injustice. Finally he drifted off to sleep, waking only into that gray world briefly when he felt the Transport depart. The announcement the transport had arrived at Dorvan stirred Chakotay from his sleep. He had not awakened once during the trip, and realized how tired he really was to do that. Being 95 years wasn't easy, even in this century when it wasn't considered that old. He grinned to himself at this. People now lived into their 130's quite easily so that meant he had a lot of years left. He was just tired from loneliness. Sighing he slowly walked off the transport and headed to the beam-down station, stopping briefly to arrange for a shuttle to take him home. As he dematerialized on Dorvan he hesitated a moment, then walked to a shop and purchased a glass of lemonade. As he stood sipping it and staring off into space, his mind wandered once again to Kathryn. He had been a fool to go to Earth! Finishing his lemonade he headed for the shuttle lot. It took him longer than he would have liked as the crowd seemed unusually dense, but once at the desk he gave his name and was told the stall where the shuttle was parked. Suddenly he felt an arm slip through his and turned to look into the face of Kathryn. She smiled and in a husky, soft voice said, "I know this is fifty years late, but would it be all right if you took me home with you?" END ALL ABOUT NOW VOYAGER Greetings from the Kate Mulgrew Appreciation Society, KMAS Inc., a Maryland non-profit corporation. We're at P.O. Box 88341, Carol Stream, IL 60188-8341, and online at KMASinc@aol.com. KMAS Inc. is Kate Mulgrew's official fan club. Current yearly dues are $25/U.S., $30/Canada-Mexico, $40/Overseas (U.S. bank funds only). Send Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope for information including copies of our submission guidelines or bylaws, or $5 for a sample issue of Now Voyager. E-mail us for the electronic edition of this quarterly newsletter. Now Voyager is on the World Wide Web at http://members.aol.com/nowvoy/. This newsletter is a not-for-profit, amateur publication and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrights. 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The Kate Mulgrew Appreciation Society Now Voyager, the newsletter of Kate's official fan club P.O. Box 88341, Carol Stream, IL 60188-8341 KMASinc@aol.com / http://members.aol.com/nowvoy